Mohammad Asif is a dick

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< 1 minute read

That was what we wrote as a little aide memoire to ourself and we see no reason not to use it as the title of this post.

Mohammad Asif has again tested positive for ‘banned substances’. Rumour has it that traces of finest unobtainium showed up in his urine. Unobtainium is outlawed because it’s too valuable to eat and it makes you glow like the Ready Brek kid.

Asif was rather leniently treated the first time he tested positive. He got a one year ban which was subsequently overturned, seemingly for the reason that he was a bit naive, which isn’t really any kind of a defence.

Now he’s tested positive again. The stupid thing is that Asif would probably be a world-class bowler without medication. He’s a line and length bowler with a lot of guile. He’s not a pace bowler who relies on searing pace or anything. It’s so needless.

Cricket needs its bowlers. It could lose a batsman or 20 with no ill-effects, but there are so few bowlers with real impact. Mohammad Asif was one, but unfortunately it seems that he’s also an idiot.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. You know who isn’t a dick.

    Do you like to fight injustice?

    Yes, that is truly an exceptional quality you have.

    Please sign the Save our Bill Lawry petition to keep the Corporate vultures from ending the career of our favourite excitable one.

    Think of the children.

  2. it’s the other one leading him astray. No one with a cute little face like that would knowing do naughty things. It’s that bigger boy that made him do it. The Ahktar’s boy. He hit our Sophie last week too cos she didn’t want him to take her dolly.

  3. He played club cricket in Staffordshire a few years back, and my GF family, who spent a lot of time at the club he played for, said he was a very quiet but nice guy. Though the Gf brother has a liking of certain substances, and i think i can trace his problems back…

  4. Ah, c’mon; there are children in Austrian basements that know you don’t take drugs to flipping Dubai. Blaming bad guidance is all very well, but at some point you’ve got to say, “y’know, TomTom, you’re telling me we’re in Swindon, but the car is axle-deep in elephant poo and I think I can hear an charging rhino. I’m reading the map now.”

  5. I blame the parents.

    Not necessarily his, but someone’s parents must be to blame.

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