Australian cricket’s elite hypocrisy and sanctimony

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As Bert pointed out the other day, the main problem with Australian cricket was not really the cheating but all the hypocrisy and sanctimony that preceded it. Or, as they would no doubt put it themselves, the elite hypocrisy and the elite sanctimony.

Viewed that way (correctly), the response to their ‘cultural crisis’ is not actually a legitimate attempt to tackle the problem but effectively amounts to a doubling-down on all the qualities that everyone else objected to in the first place.

An example: the images in this tweet show the nauseating new dressing room ‘branding’ at the Optus Stadium in Perth.

Yes, you absolutely did read that correctly. “Elite honesty”.

There are, as everyone knows, many different nuances to honesty. There’s outright dishonesty, where you’re not being truthful at all; there’s plain old honesty, which is being truthful; and then there’s elite honesty, which is so pure and wonderful and perfect that you can’t even comprehend it.

Elite honesty is a shade of honesty you can only really get to grips with once you’re in the Australia national cricket team. You’ll just have to take their word for that because, despite recent transgressions, these are the people who remain cricket’s ultimate (self-appointed) moral arbiters.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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    1. Oh sweet Moses, that is beyond satire. That is almost literally *priding* yourself on being more humble than anyone else. Humility beyond the reach of mere mortals.

      We’re going to say it now, and we know it’s a big call, but Langer is funnier than Boof.

      1. Pertinent that you mentioned Moses here. He couldn’t get enough of laws and crossing the line. I think he even broke his own tablets up when things got too much.

  1. It’s not quite the same thing, but if I imagine a kind of smug self-abasement I feel as though I might be getting close to it.

    You’d need a strong stomach to listen to the bantz over the barbie when Haydos flies down west to spend time with his mate. I think I’d start out finding it funny, then I’d be sickened by it, then I’d find it funny again …

    By the by, did Langer’s ‘respectful sledging’ initiative ever get anywhere? Didn’t seem to hear much more about it.

  2. I can only imagine the Elite Sledging that will happen to the Aussie batsmen, “Was that an Elite Gap between bat and pad?”, “You were Elite Plumb LBW, Elite Mate”.

  3. Actual quote from Langer from today’s press conference: “Elite Honesty is the Australian Way as I know it…”

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