Dimitri Mascarenhas is handy down the order

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England don’t often find batsman who are pretty good. They have good and great batsmen at the top of the order and they have rubbish and not awful batsmen down the order, but there always seems to be a number eight-shaped hole in the batting card.

In one-day cricket at least Dimitri Mascarenhas fits the bill. Whether it’s Twenty20 or 50-over cricket, there are few England players you’d sooner see arriving at the crease when there’s a couple of overs to go and a total pleading for sixes.

Last summer, against India, Dimitri Mascarenhas finished an England innings with five sixes off the last five balls. Today, against New Zealand in the first Twenty20 match, he hit four in a row off Jeetan Patel.

He’s obviously pretty good at this. In fact, he’s hit 10 sixes in one-day internationals and only one four. We can’t bring the four to mind, but presumably it dropped a yard short rather than being played along the ground.

Mascarenhas also had the decency to justify his place in the team by taking 2-19 from his four overs.

David Lloyd called him ‘Danger Anus’ once. We don’t think that’s caught on just yet.


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  1. And yes, we know that he batted at seven today and therefore didn’t fill that number eight-shaped hole, but usually he’s an eight.

  2. He certainly plays attacking cricket, just like all your other born and bred english players, he was brought up in a village with bulldog grit and such.

  3. All our born and bred attacking cricketers are sitting around in Australia’s middle order getting called names by Indian spinners.

  4. Not sure ‘half-bred’ is a phrase we really want to introduce to this site. Anyway. Since when has Australia’s team been so indigenous?

    We’re not even sure what the point is here. Who wants dullard born and bred Englishmen in their team? They’re a bunch of effete, over-educated, top hat-wearing, pompous bastards.

  5. Too bloody right King Cricket.

    We are far too nice, to really want to beat the natives, consistently

    It’s manners that maketh the man, what, what.

  6. what would Norman Yebbitt say? He’d be spinning in his grave, if he were dead.

    n.b. the exact number of b’s and t’s in his lordship’s name is yet to be clarified.

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