Are they going to win a game with the bat? Are they going to win a game with the ball?
- Luke Wright
- Dimitri Mascarenhas
- Tim Bresnan
- Adil Rashid
There’s room for players who chip in, rather than deciding matches on their own, but there seem to be altogether too many of them in England’s side. Dimitri Mascarenhas, for example, is a great batsman when you’ve got five overs to go, but he’s unlikely to pass 50 too often and he’s not going to run through a side with his bowling.
The other three are slightly different, in that they’re younger and are investments for the future to some degree. But there’s only so much international experience to invest. You can’t field all three of them, because none seem likely to win you a game.
At the minute, they’re 32 runs and 1-52 players.
Dimi is quoted as saying: “I only hope that people will look back in 20 or 30 years time and say that I gave everything for a franchise I’ve supported since I was a boy.”
He didn’t really say that. But someone might before too long, because people are, on the whole, stupid. Franchises, eh? It sprays a thin mist of diluted excrement over the whole enterprise having franchises. Pump as much money as you like into something, if it’s franchise v franchise it’s always going to sound a bit shit.
Hampshire have allowed Mascarenhas to appear in the IPL. This is quite definitely not because he would have just walked out on them and played anyway if they hadn’t given their blessing.
After all, they’ll have no problems fielding a decent team next season with Shane Warne either on IPL duty or playing cards for 90 percent of the season; with Nic Pothas and Shane Bond probably banned through appearing in the ICL; and with James Bruce having retired into The City.
In other IPL news, Misbah-ul-Haq signed for Bangalore.
Marston’s have brought out a new beer because they sponsor England. It’s called Pedigree Six on account of it being 6%. Mmm, boozy.
We’re going to drink four ‘Sixes’ in honour of Dimitri Mascarenhas’s four sixes the other day (and with perhaps a nod towards our own alcohol dependence as well.)
Tomorrow, when we go for our run, it’ll be like we’re Dimitri Mascarenhas training with England after his four sixes!
Only there won’t be any England players, we’ll be alone. And it won’t feel like we’ve hit four sixes, it’ll feel like we missed a short one and taken it in the head. And it won’t be nice and warm, it’ll be winter. And we won’t be getting paid.
Other than that, it’ll be JUST LIKE we’re Dimitri Mascarenhas after his four sixes!
We really should become an international cricketer. Look how excited we get.
England don’t often find batsman who are pretty good. They have good and great batsmen at the top of the order and they have rubbish and not awful batsmen down the order, but there always seems to be a number eight-shaped hole in the batting card.
In one-day cricket at least Dimitri Mascarenhas fits the bill. Whether it’s Twenty20 or 50-over cricket, there are few England players you’d sooner see arriving at the crease when there’s a couple of overs to go and a total pleading for sixes.
Last summer, against India, Dimitri Mascarenhas finished an England innings with five sixes off the last five balls. Today, against New Zealand in the first Twenty20 match, he hit four in a row off Jeetan Patel.
He’s obviously pretty good at this. In fact, he’s hit 10 sixes in one-day internationals and only one four. We can’t bring the four to mind, but presumably it dropped a yard short rather than being played along the ground.
Mascarenhas also had the decency to justify his place in the team by taking 2-19 from his four overs.
David Lloyd called him ‘Danger Anus’ once. We don’t think that’s caught on just yet.