England to show aggression in everything they do

“We thought we were a bit tentative in the way we played and could have been more aggressive in everything we did.”

So says Peter Moores. He’s right. England need to show more aggression in absolutely everything they do. Look at the first one-day international for example.

England showed little to no aggression over breakfast on the morning of the game. Ian Bell ordered puri bhaji but was given chana bhatura and yet he never said a word – even though he doesn’t like the texture of chickpeas. He just ate it when really he should have chinned the waiter. Where was the aggression?

Stuart Broad asked for an energy drink during the first innings, but when he drank it, he just sort of tipped it up and sipped at it. He should have thrown the bottle into the air and then burst it into his own face with a huge clap of his hands. Where was the aggression?

Kevin Pietersen won the toss and inserted India, but what good did that do? KP should have sought out the coin after the game and really gone to town on it. Somebody was to blame for England’s poor performance and it might well have been the coin. Where was the aggression?

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12 Appeals

  1. the aggression was shown today. but they still lost.
    more is needed.

    maybe around the 7th game they will show the necessary aggression to actually win.

  2. Bopara needs to play higher, after Flintoff perhaps.

    Not bad really England and KP is a good thing to have happened to England.

    He’s a quick learner and will get his players and batting right.

    And oh, prefer a proper spinner plays instead of Collingwood and/or Patel.

    Monty and/or Swann is worth consideration in their place,

  3. Soulberry, Monty’s not in the tour party.

    DamithS, you are being ludicrously generous in your assessment of England.

  4. Bopara needs to play higher, maybe stand on a box, short arse. Probably wouldn’t do whatever he did that I wasn’t aware off to make todays No 8 look too far up the order.

  5. Half three in the bloody morning – that’s when I have to get up to watch that rabble fail to compete.

    If they want aggression, they should come round my house after another one of their embarrassing performances. I’ll show ’em aggression.

  6. About a decade ago, the E(&W)CB Manual was revised to include this definition:

    aggression, noun. 1. against spinners, the practice of playing sweep or reverse sweep shots at least four times an over, regardless of quality or reputation. 2. against quicker bowlers, hooking directly to deep midwicket.

    This worries me somewhat.

  7. Apparently, Saint KP has said that the batsmen need to be scoring more runs and the bowlers need to be taking more wickets.

    It’s nice to hear he’s got the hang of this captaincy lark.

  8. Aggression? Perhaps we need to draft Chuck Norris into the coaching staff.

  9. I’m so angry about this feature and thread, I’m going to throw my computer through my window right now.

    There we are, that’s taught you.

  10. How did you publish that comment?

  11. Did I say which of my two computers I was going to throw?

    In the event, I summoned up a huge bestial roar instead, which calmed me down instantly.

    Good roar it was – two police cars and an ambulance came at the neighbours’ behest..

  12. What does chinned mean, please?

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