Jesse Ryder quarantined

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< 1 minute read

Ryder in action replaced by Ryder inactionWe have never once seen someone quarantined without dire consequences for everyone on earth.

It starts with vomiting. It ends with zombies or a flesh-eating virus. Maybe there’s an alien gestating inside Jesse Ryder as we speak – Lord knows, there’s room for one.

It’s at times like this that we should all be thankful that Australia’s just a tiny, tiny island miles from anywhere with no inhabitants. The quarantined area can be expanded to incorporate the whole continent and then, in 200 years time when the fuss has all died down, we can venture in to see what happened.

Of course there is a chance that the doctors have merely overreacted to the fact that Jesse isn’t eating. We can see why they might. He doesn’t look like the kind of man who’s easily stopped when there’s a cream bun in his orbit.

No matter how it starts, it always ends up as a Jesse Ryder is fat post.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Obviously, with the whole of Australia quarantined, they won’t be able to come over here to defend the Ashes, so we’ll win every match by default. We can look forward to 200 years of 5-0 Ashes victories.

    Though the ICC would probably declare them all draws.

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