New Zealand’s third wicket fell. Jesse Ryder picked up his bat, lay down on the outfield and commanded his team mates: “Roll me out there. I’ve got a job to do.”
Without having had inadequate preparation for once, Ryder was primed for action. He brushed the chocolate digestive crumbs off his whites with a doughy paw, slowly levered himself to his feet and took guard, panting and groaning slightly.
The thousands of cruel comments throughout his childhood rendered Jesse impervious to the Indians’ sledging. The thousands of custard creams he’d had in the preceding months rendered him impervious to their well directed bouncers.
Today, Jesse Ryder scored a Test match hundred. So did Daniel Vettori, but he’s thin, so he doesn’t get his own post.