Jesse Ryder’s back

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There are different kinds of fitnessIs broad and pudgy and malleable like plasticine. It’s an amorphous, wobbling built-in cushion so he can lie down anywhere and feel comfortable.

It’s also a trap. When Jesse Ryder needs to take all that weight off his feet, he plonks himself down and leans into his back’s exquisitely welcoming blubber. It may offer excellent lumbar support, but from this position he’s unable to rise again. He flails around like an upturned beetle until a passing forklift spies him and rescues him from his plight.

In other news, Jesse Ryder is in New Zealand’s Test squad for the tour of Bangladesh.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Would like to petition for an additional team for the Stanford thingy – the International Stout XI (managed by Mike Gatting)

    G Smith (cap’n and burgermeister)
    J Ryder
    J Kallis
    Jimmy Ormond
    M Boucher (w/k)
    Matt Walker
    Mark Ealham
    Inzaman Ul Haq
    Shane Warne
    Dwayne Laverock
    Romesh Powar

  2. Kallis is currently worth 2 slots on account of his giant arse. There are only so many places on the team bus!

    Do I have a ‘lumber’? And does it need supporting?

  3. “Too many spinners.”

    Kind of inevitable, no? Players with the sort of girth we’re looking for wouldn’t be able to stop if they attempted anything upwards of medium pace.

    “Bowls a heavy ball”, indeed.

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