English spin bowler takes wickets

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No, honestly. An actual spin bowler as well, not just a batsman specialising in round-arm dob. It was the second division, but these are desperate times – we have to make the most of whatever we can find. We’re basically Wombles.

The spinner in question is Monty Panesar and at the time of writing, he’s taken 4-18 in 14.2 overs. We’re taking this as confirmation that Panesar is the greatest spin bowler in the history of cricket. You don’t dismiss Daryl Mitchell, Tom Kohler-Cadmore, Ben Cox and Jack Shantry on an unpredictable pitch without being in some way exceptional.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Ah, Monty. We’ve always known what he has in him; his problem is knowing how and when to let it out. When the conditions are right he can piss all over the opposition, and the wickets come one after another like a shower of gold. But we also need to consider his batting. He’s a poor judge of length, and as a consequence is often caught short, and he does have a tendency to run and hide from bouncers.

    1. Monty Penisar
      Monty Peenesar
      Monty Weenisar

      Bert and Sam, ladies and gents. Catering for both ends of the comedy spectrum.

    2. Actually, that’s not ironic, is it? I’ll check with Alanis Morissette, she’s good at this sort of stuff.

    3. I was once Caught Short in a match, the Short in question being the brother of Nigel Short, probably Leigh’s finest ever International Chess Grandmaster.

      In other evening cricket news, we’re playing Davenham tomorrow in the O40s league, at Davenham. However, our captain is a keen follower of all things ECB, so he has decided to follow their tactics as closely as possible, reasoning that they must know what they are doing. As a consequence, in order to improve team morale I have been made “unavailable for selection”, and thus won’t be playing. The captain clearly feels that turning up with only 10 players is still preferable to letting me play, a decision that is measurably equivalent in terms of runs, but robs them of my specialist fielding abilities for the first few (pre-injury) overs.

    4. Regardless of selection policies Bert, can we look forward to another report from the Old Filchonians?

    5. I spoke to your captain, Bert. You’re in. As what he fondly calls “seventeenth man”. I am not quite sure what your duties are, but I expect them to be rather titillating.

  2. Oh what a shame, Bert. You could have come round for a cup of tea (or something a bit stronger).

    1. Very kind of you, Mrs. KC, especially if there’s any of the sloe gin left. But maybe next year. We and Davenham finished joint nearly last in 2013 (in your face, Mobberley), with three wins from fourteen. So the match tonight will be seen by both sets of players as an opportunity to improve averages and pick up a few wickets. Of course, the reality will be just another round of low scores, bruised egos and pulled hamstrings.

      What’s the after match food like at Davenham? That’s always an incentive. Ours is very good, well worth the trip.

  3. Watching England. Why is Morgan batting at 5. He was 3 for Middlesex the other day. Strange.

  4. 5-23 is an astonishingly good early season return for Monty, which surely cements his position not only as shoo in spinner for England but perhaps the finest spinner in the world right now.

    Saeed Ajmal, on the other hand, with 7-19 later the same day, merely took advantage of helpful conditions and some seriously below par second division batting.

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