Jacques Kallis, interesting?

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< 1 minute read

Jacques Kallis pretends he plays shots between deliveriesWe don’t know what’s going on here. There we were idly reading a short piece about New Zealand quick, Mark Gillespie, when suddenly the writer makes the most outrageous claim imaginable.

Will from The Corridor – who knows what he’s on about – describes Jacques Kallis as ‘dazzling’. ‘Dazzling’ is not a word readily associated with the thick-skulled automaton, but we don’t doubt Will’s word. Will writes for a proper, grown-up cricket website where lying’s frowned upon rather than celebrated.

This will be an unwelcome development for The Atheist from Are You A Left-Arm Chinaman who once said: “As a rule, I like the players that everyone else loathes. Jacques Kallis and Rahul Dravid: champions among younger and more exciting men. Show me a solid forward defence played to a harmless half-volley, and I will show you a happy Atheist. Everything is in its place, and the world is as it should be.”


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  1. I honestly believed the world was going to implode, and we would all disappear in to a huge abyss..

    Kallis’ innings was SUBLIME! He went after the kiwis, like they were NMCC 4th XI… Although I reckon I would have got him, with my lazy off…

    Alongside that, Hashim Amla, actually looks like a decent cricketer after all… Back to back hundreds has pushed his average up to mid thirties (although this is still too low for a test no 3).

    However, I can’t help but laugh at Greame Smith!
    He is the archetypical flat track bully.. Moaning about the state of Saffer pitches, out for single figures twice and looking like Chris Martins bunny (HA Chris Martin has a bunny), whilst his team mates make hay in the sunshine.
    Big Chinned Muscle Bound TWAT.

  2. I hate Jaques Kallis. I have no idea why – because generally I’m in favour of people who can bat all day without breaking a sweat.

    However, when I see Jaques Kallis I’m plunged into a chasm of blackness which makes me want to kill people with a machete.

    I feel certain that at some point in my cricket watching life (post 1996) he has done something to make me feel this way. If anyone knows what it is I’d be grateful if they could let me know.

  3. Lemon Bella,

    I distinctly remember Kallis, torturing kittens, and laughing maniacally, in between innings.

    Maybe that was it?

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