Jacques Kallis is fitter than he looks

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Jacques Kallis - body of an athlete

Jacques Kallis bowled a ball at about 90mph today. Generally speaking, he was bowling faster than Philander, Steyn and Morkel.

Despite looking more like a rugby player, Kallis has always been pretty slippery when the mood’s taken him. It’s astonishing that he can still do this when he’s 36-years-old. Few can do it at all at that age, let alone those who’ve played 400-and-odd international matches.

The average quick bowler covers about 15 miles a day during a Test match. Even the wicketkeeper averages about 10. Kallis doesn’t clock too many overs, but he does bat a bit. In fact, wait a minute – didn’t he hit 224 earlier in this match?

Maybe his new hair is impregnated with nandrolone. You thought it was vanity that led to his new mane, but it was actually a desire for an intrafollicular supply of anabolic steroids.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Why does an average quick bowler cover 15 miles in a day? Are they bored after running the 20 x 30 x 6 = 3600m = 2.25 miles they must run to bowl 30 overs off a 20m run-up?

    1. No, the boredom sets in while they’re returning to their mark, following-through or moving to a different fielding position.

    2. I see what you did. You and Sam caused time to flow backwards so that you could post your replies nearly one hour before my original and perfectly reasonable comment, and thus when I wanted to respond with the perfectly reasonable point that there is still eight miles missing from the bowlers’ total, and that the wicket keeper would need to change ends virtually every single ball to get to ten miles, your website rejected my comment for no better reason than it was earlier than the original it was supposed to be replying to, with the witheringly sarcastic statement “Maybe you should slow down a bit with your comments”.

    3. I do love it when the finer details of the software become more of an issue than the issue at hand.

      Well done, Bert. Top bleating.

  2. Kallis’ run-up is more like 5 metres and he doesn’t have a huge follow through. I bet those extra miles come from popping off the field every few overs to check the new follicles are still firmly and resolutely in place.

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