Vernon Philander takes wickets for fun

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< 1 minute read

Other than Angus Fraser, few bowlers have appeared to do it as penance.

Many people’s definition of an all-rounder is that they should average more with the bat than they do with the ball. Vernon Philander isn’t a million miles away from that and his batting average is only 7.75.

His bowling average is 12.82 at the time of writing. Being as the website’s barely working at the minute, that figure will be totally wrong by the time you read this, but still, you get what we’re saying.

If you don’t get what we’re saying, we’re saying that Vernon Philander has a very low bowling average.

A few Tests away from home will see his figures fatten up like a family that’s just moved to the United States, but for now he can feel pretty pleased with himself and South Africa can stick with their entirely unexpected plan of having Dale Steyn as a supporting act.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. And what a name! Nobody at the Labour Club could ever drink as much as a man called Vernon, and he would almost certainly be better at darts than you. And Philander! Not only the slightly confusing word for the act of sleeping with as many women as possible, but also the proper name for the gray and black four-eyed opossum!

    BTW, I’m relieved to find that it is this website that is having the problems, as I thought it was a personal attack on me by the people who own the internet, as punishment for something I said about it to a friend last September.

    1. Sorry about the site. If we could get it running properly, we would.

      Last we heard, we should have noticed a ‘significant reduction’ in loading times by about 1pm today.

      It’s mostly been offline since then, which is the way things seem to have been going for the last month.

    2. What do websites run on? If we can figure that out, we can prevent future technical difficulties.

      I am inclined to believe it is motor oil. You should try pouring some of it down the hole in the ceiling of the room where all websites live.

  2. KC, what do you think of tomorrow’s match between England and a “Combined Associate XI?” Most seem to be raving about how this is a brilliant idea for associate cricket. But it strikes me as a silly PR move that’s only going to result in the amateurs getting thrashed (because a composite side is never as good as the sum of its parts) and then making them look bad again.

    1. Can we have an opinion afterwards?

      Feeling like it’s a PR stunt seems a fate-tempter to us.

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