Matthew Hayden has another go at talking

We're thinking of getting a new Hayden picture for 2009It never goes well. Matthew Hayden is very poor at executing his talking skills. Thanks to RC for pointing us towards Hayden’s latest attempt in an interview with Cricinfo.

Here are some highlights:

“I go to the middle, I mark the crease and I squat on the wicket. I feel grounded when I do that.” – a lesson for all young batsmen who accidentally launch skywards and orbit the earth when they’re supposed to be going out to bat.

“The zone to me is pretty much every time I go out to bat.” – Matthew Hayden will tell you that he’s the absolute best at modesty as well. ‘I am shit-hot at modesty’ he will say.

“As fine a cricketer as I am right now, I don’t think as a young player I had it right.” – See! Shit-hot at the modesty.

He also says that an opening partnership is like being in a couple. But we already know about Hayden and Langer.

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21 Appeals

  1. For many years now, I’ve advocated the mental imagery of Bruce Forsythe squatting on a glass table to many a male friend to get through delicate situations. Might have a contender for that one now…

  2. Is Hayden the evolutionary link between man and ape?

  3. Is Hayden the missing evolutionary link between man and ape?

  4. spot the difference

  5. spot the missing difference

  6. To be the missing link would he not have to be more human than apes already are?

  7. Spigot I already use Hayden for that purpose.

  8. ‘Ere we go. Run out of anything to say, so we drag out the “we hate Mathew Hayden” post. Again. Your fav hobbyhorse.

    Speaking of which…

    Dadadada,
    are you the missing evolutionary link between apes and the negation of all current aesthetic and social values?

  9. Miriam, My lady wife uses Vaughan. Not that she has the occasion too that often…

  10. “I suffered from lurching bladder for eight months; a simple application of Vaughan™ and I was right as a rain break.”

    “Scrotal diverticulitis made my life hell until Vaughan™ offered me the light.”

    Ask your doctor about Vaughan™ today; the topical cream that’s always forward in defence.

  11. (side effects include but are not limited to: squalid knee, tertiary interference syndrome and a tendency to refer to oneself in the third person. Do not take Vaughan™ while pregnant or following on.)

  12. Rusty, I think I may be that link, so I try and keep my mouth shut and not draw attention to myself. Unfortunately I can’t type either.

  13. I’m still disturbed about Hayden squatting on the pitch – is this territory marking? I don’t want to think how he is actually doing the marking…..

    And Rusty – fav hobby horse is King Key. No doubting.

  14. (Other side effects include total and utter inability to show any form of personality, sense of humour or even being human when being interviewed for any publication outside of your natural environment, for example being asked about love, food or anything other than why you lost yet another test match against the odds)

  15. It’s really quite distressing how Vaughan’s fallen from a much-vaunted (Vaughanted?) leader who had the knack of making things happen…to a much-pilloried captain whose side just plods on from match to match without really doing much.

  16. C*nt.

    That is all.

  17. Sarah, Canterbury

    May 20, 2008 at 9:17 pm

    Hee hee!

    Not a fan then Suave?!

  18. Oh hurrah Suave – thought you might come back from climbing the mountains singing Edelweiss but the purity of the mountain air has obviously not affected you at all

  19. That’s what I like about Matthew Hayden: just when you think he can’t descend any further into self-parody, he does.

  20. Yes, Dave, soon he’ll be down there with you and everyone on this this blog.

  21. No, still angry, More so because of the bloody mountains and it’s air. The mountains have given me knee knack, and the air, has given me a stinking cold.
    Stupid mountains.

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