Jacob Oram and his face

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Jacob Oram celebrates being oversizedMost teams struggle for all-rounders. In New Zealand they’re ten a penny. If only they could find a couple more half-decent specialist batsmen, they’d be a force to be reckoned with.

This new batting line-up’s missing a few of the bigger names, of course, but even those batting absentees dabbled with the ball: Craig McMillan, Scott Styris, Nathan Astle.

Now, with Daniel Vettori and Brendon McCullum, New Zealand are still well off for all-rounders. Then there’s Jacob Oram as well, who hit a muscly 101 as New Zealand easily saved the first Test. (Bloody weather. Bloody light-accepting batsmen.)

Why does Jacob Oram look so old? He’s only 29. Is it because he’s suffering from some kind of gigantism? Not only is he six-foot-many and burly, he’s also got a head that’s too big for an already gargantuan body. But not only that. He’s also got a face that’s too big for the head that’s too big for the body.

Somebody somewhere has made an almighty error of scale when constructing Jacob Oram. Mr and Mrs Oram, we’re looking at you.

England v New Zealand, first Test at Lord’s – day five
New Zealand 277 (Brendon McCullum 97, Ryan Sidebottom 4-55, James Anderson 3-66)
England 319 (Michael Vaughan 106, Andrew Strauss 63, Alastair Cook 61, Daniel Vettori 5-69)
New Zealand 269-6 (Jacob Oram 101, Jamie How 68)
Match drawn


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  1. Agree that New Zealand do have the makings of a good side.
    The likes of How, Oram, McCullum, Vettori and Martin are very decent cricketers. They just haven’t (at the moment) got enough to consistentley score 400, which is something you have to do if you are going to reguarly win test matches.

    As for Oram – no matter how big his head is, how old he looks – he is still a World Class (just) player who gives this New Zealand side a much better look about them.

  2. It’s not “old” but “ruggged” _ that’s the word you’re looking for. Or “weathered”. It’s a look that’s sadly lacking from the modern facialed, and coiffured sportsman. It comes from living in the countryside. England doesn’t have any of that anymore, NZ has nothing else.

  3. Anyone else think he always looks slightly put out by having to play international cricket? A bit like he’s got a couple hundred head of sheep out on a hillside somewhere on the South Island that need shearing really badly, but they’ve come along and asked him to provide nuggetty middle order backbone and, well, it’s his country calling so what’s a man to do?

    Cos I think that.

  4. The NZ selectors have come along, I mean, not the sheep. Jacob Oram doesn’t look like the sort of man who hears talking sheep.

  5. Aw bless Thomas properly talking about cricket. He’ll learn.

    I’ll echo that Miriam. Took some rather fetching photos of Mr Oram when he came to Canterbury recently. Amazed they were in focus as I was a little on the excited side…

  6. I echo Miriam and Sarah, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Oram. Would rather ‘tap that’ than Flintoff.

  7. Going by the expression on his face in the photo I wouldn’t be too sure he’d be that interested. More up for Mr Atheist I reckon.

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