The tufty-haired boulder and the blancmange

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Mitchell Johnson carrying out some tail-moppery

The escape route outlined in yesterday’s article? England evaded it perfectly, opting instead to stand their ground, whereupon they were flattened by the giant, tufty-haired boulder which has been rumbling after them since they landed Down Under.

The most frustrating thing is that, for all the devastation, Mitchell Johnson only actually dismissed one of the specialist batsmen – Alastair Cook. Carberry was out to Watson, Root and Pietersen were out to idiocy and Bell was not out.

If Root or Pietersen could have avoided lending Australia a hand, Bell showed how together they could have countered Johnson and perhaps worn him down. Who knows? Maybe the lower order would have lasted more than a ball each then.

There’s still a second innings, but realistically the opportunity has gone now – you can’t turn blancmange back into brain.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. WTF has happened to Prior? Has he got a catheter in? He certainly does not look comfortable out there.

    1. Prior’s deterioration goes hand in hand with England’s. It’s almost symbolic. We’ve no idea what’s happened to him. It’s like a loss of form has really bedded-in for the long run and he can no longer see a way out of it.

      He’s not past it. He might be slightly jaded. Perhaps, with the added responsibility of wicketkeeping, he’s the canary in the mine, arriving at mental jadery fractionally ahead of his similarly flat team-mates.

    2. Yes. Mental Jadery. Back to back Ashes and shit loads of Tests generally will do that I guess. Looks like they’ve killed the goose. Seems like yesterday everyone was giggling at CA for lauding the Big Bash while their test team crumbled.

    1. Absolutely fantastic and it restores an aspect of our faith in the sport – reinforcing our love for it – to see that proper fast bowling can be so completely decisive.

      We just wish it wasn’t happening against England. That’s the snag. Not fond of that bit at all.

  2. yeah, who’d have thought it? performing to the best of his ability, two matches in a row (and perth to come). what a friggin time for him to hit top form eh 🙁

    btw KC, a few inexplicable duplications in the badger this week..?

    1. Yeah, we saw that. Apologies. That sort of stuff’s usually picked up when we send the test.

      We didn’t send a test this week…

  3. It’s a funny old game. Where else is reversal of fortune so sudden and so unforgiving? CA have been derided as numpties for years. Suddenly, all is forgiven. As if they personally had anything to do with Johnson’s revival.

    1. And now all the great decisions of the ECB are being repackaged and presented as being bad decisions.

      Honestly, we’re going to stop reading columns where the writer feels the need to draw far-reaching conclusions about ‘the system’ based on whatever happened the day before.

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