An apology to King Cricket readers

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< 1 minute read

We didn’t actually pay any attention to the cricket at all over the weekend. How should we be punished?

  • By working as Michael Clarke’s ego masseur
  • By working as South Africa’s actual masseur
  • By having to share our lunch with Mark Cosgrove
  • By being the person nominated to let Ian Botham know that he’s wrong about something
  • By having to look at Shaun Tait’s face for a bit


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. The pickle brained fucknut’s correction facility. Seeing him goe puce would be good.

    Although, i’d laugh at that, so maybe not.

  2. A visit to Michael Vaughan’s “Art” Gallery.

    At least it wouldn’t take long.

  3. Post something along the lines that you no longer appreciate the talents of Rob Key.

  4. Or the spokesperson for Durham CCC who explains to the angry members why their seemingly invincible team is all of a sudden getting rolled for a score like 121 batting first at home against woeful Kent.

  5. Let’s cut out the ‘woeful Kent’ please. Use a more fitting term such as glorious or infinitely wonderful.

    Steve Smith’s face. Look at that for a while. That’ll learn you.

  6. I suggest the following, horrible punishment:

    Find a co-worker/acquaintance* who is ridiculously obsessed with a long-running/overly complex* TV series and say the following:

    “So, I’ve never watched The Wire/24/Lost*, but I hear you’re a fan. Can you tell me the plot since the first episode, pausing to explain why each event is so mind-blowingly ‘awesome’?”

    *delete as appropriate

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