Realistically, there was only one story from today’s play. We’re talking of course of Jacques Kallis’s new ‘comfortable’ appearance.
Now we like a fat cricketer as much as the next man – maybe even more than the next man – but we don’t appreciate Jacques Kallis’s late-to-the-party attempts.
Our idea of a fat cricketer is someone who truly devotes himself to the role. Ian Austin: there was a fat cricketer with true natural ability. He didn’t faff around with a slight physique for years. He got straight in there. He was fat from the off.
Mark Cosgrove’s another cricketer with gluttony and sloth in his big, big bones. He’s the kind of man who won’t even pay lip service to a fitness regime, because his lips are permanently occupied with cream cakes. Mark Cosgrove is actively working on gaining more weight. This is our kind of hero: one you can believe in and also laugh at when they try to do up their shoelaces.
Jacques Kallis is just a wannabe. Mark Boucher too.
We’ve just realised we’ve already written about fat South Africans, but no matter – it’s not something anyone’s ever likely to get tired of.