Mark Cosgrove flobs back into county cricket

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< 1 minute read

Sometimes it’s okay to make use of the verb ‘to flob’. This usage is entirely justified.

While the world trains its gaze on Fake IPL Player or the IPL itself – or Ian Bell or Michael Vaughan or Philip Hughes – while the world trains its gaze on those events, bigger things are happening. Much bigger things. Things so big that Gregg’s isn’t worth visiting after 2pm because they’ve been CLEANED OUT.

Yes, fat cricketer Mark Cosgrove is BACK. This time it’s about being fat and scoring hundreds. Much like last time.

Mark Cosgrove has wasted no time and scored 120 against Middlesex today. Rumours that the Middlesex bowlers were weak through lack of nourishment after being tardy in getting to the lunch buffet are entirely unsupported by facts, but nevertheless probably true.


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  1. Great piece.

    He really is a big unit, as witnessed from close quarters in the Bowlers’ bar after stumps!

  2. I chose my batting lineup in the IPL fantasy team based on weight – my theory goes that the heavier they are the more likely they are to aim for the boundaries to minimise the amount they have to run.

    If he was playing IPL he’d be a shoe in for my team.

  3. On Sunday (at Old Trafford), it was more about being fat and scoring not many – there was a palpable giggle in the members area as he trudged back to the pavillion and his true profile became apparent – I’d say he’s carrying more than his fair share of timber.

    Rob Key is looking positively svelte in comparison.

  4. “Fat fuck. Fucking cunt”. Somehow most of his breed are assholes (Key for one…). How come?

  5. That’s a weird thing to put in inverted commas. Was it your other personality saying that?

    We detect a childhood incident behind those words. Were you once sat on by a lard arse?

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