Chris Tremlett should open the bowling for England

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Chris Tremlett is A BEAST

Lots of people have said this, saying Tremlett is more consistent than Stuart Broad and pitches the ball further up. Those things are true, but our point is much simpler: Just look at him. Chris Tremlett is terrifying.

It actually doesn’t much matter that he rarely tops 85mph. If you were a batsman, you simply wouldn’t believe the speed gun. You’d spend half your time at the crease trying to set aside the nagging thought that Chris Tremlett was about to eat you.

Time spent suppressing that fear is time that isn’t spent thinking about batting. Have you ever seen a Himalayan blue sheep execute a textbook forward defensive while being pursued by a snow leopard?

No, you haven’t. We rest our case.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Agreed, he is more likely to put the new ball to good effect.

    We’ve had some good bowlers in recent years but we’ve not had many scary ones (Harmison in his prime perhaps?) so this is a cause for celebration. Actually, I don’t think there are that many truly scary quicks around at the moment. For a reminder of what scary looks like, check out Fire in Babylon. . .

  2. By the way, we’ve got a new website. Be aware that it is not like this site. It features adult language and uncomfortable situations.

    We’ll update it once a week (if that) so the three of you who like it should subscribe to the email or summat.

    1. We originally tried to make a serious website, but unfortunately that involves ‘doing things properly’ and we’re incapable of that.

      After leaving the site neglected, we eventually took the obvious course of action and started writing stories about William Shakespeare going on holiday instead.

  3. Anyone know when Broad will stop believing he can just bang the ball in halfway down the track?

    I also wish to know about Shakespeare on holiday, so have signed up for email notifications.

    1. Dunno. Will find out tomorrow. Quietly confident though.

      Wait, if you say that, does that negate the quiet part?

    1. You can expect more details about the pair in coming weeks. Bragg’s on the edge of his seat.

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