Don’t get a cricketer to do your tiling

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< 1 minute read

Here’s Ravi Bopara trying to do some tiling.

Smiling during DIY?

Ravi! Stop! Everyone knows that you’re supposed to apply the adhesive to the wall and not to the tile.

Now here’s Charlotte Edwards putting up the exact same tile.

At this rate we'll have done none tiles by the end of the day

Q: How many cricketers does it take to put up one tile?

A: Two, but don’t count on it being flush with adjacent tiles because they’ll apply the adhesive to the tile and not the wall.


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  1. RUBBISH tiling.

    What next? Stuart Broad papering over some cracks?

    Dimi Mascarenhas applying some filler?

    Or Rachel Heyhoe-Flint doing some heavy duty grouting?

  2. For some reason, no one knows why, the in-house radio station for Topps Tiles is broadcast from my office. Adriano is the DJ and we hear him talking tiles in the background all day.

    I don’t work in Tiles, or any other area of DIY supply.

    Love the way you tailor your ads for the subject, KC…

  3. Charlotte Edwards is having to come in and tidy up Ravi’s shoddy work. It just shows that if you want these things done properly, bring in a woman.

  4. Well, she’s not doing very well, is she? I mean, besides the poor technique with her left hand, she’s even trying to apply a non-existent tile with her right.

  5. Should get Darren Pattinson from Notts down to do it, just one year ago he was a roof tiler, but I’m sure he could handle all tiles.

  6. Charlotte is stuck to the wall with her non-tiling hand- on the adhesive left by the absconding Ravi – he’s run out…

  7. What on earth is going on there? Neither of them are using those little plastic tile spacer thingummybobs! You mark my words – it’ll be a right mess.

    Edwards looks like she thinks she needs to hold each tile in place until the tile cement goes off.

  8. Nah, Swanny doesn’t service older boilers.

    Come on, it’d be a crime not to waste a feed line like that!

  9. Mahinda – when your back passage next requires attention I shall arrange for you to be serviced by Messrs. Kallis & Nel.

  10. You tell him, Mel.

    Ramps is welcome to come over and service my equipment any day of the week and Saturdays and Sundays too. Actually I’d better double-book that appointment for a second opinion from Dirty Dirk Nannes.

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