England’s Twenty20 batting line-up

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a South African walk into a pub.

“Aren’t you an England Twenty20 middle-order that inspires a surprising amount of confidence in supporters?” asks the barman.

“No,” says the Englishman. “We’re three entirely different people who just happen to be of the same nationalities as the people of which you speak. Professional cricketers don’t walk into pubs in the middle of international cricket tournaments because they’re overseas. At a push, they might walk into a bar or a beach shack, but not a pub. We’re in Urmston, for Christ’s sake. How the hell would we have got here after playing a match in Bridgetown a couple of hours ago?”

“Get out,” instructs the barman.

It’s going to take a while before we really accept it fully, but England’s Twenty20 batting line-up is really not bad at all.

Michael Lumb and Craig Kieswetter are doing a job and may eventually do more; Luke Wright’s gusto is never going to desert him; but it’s those three in the middle order who inspire confidence: Pietersen, Collingwood and Morgan.


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  1. This is indeed a strange new world. I still expect a pathetic collapse every time they take the field. These habits are hard to shake after 18 years of utter limited overs toilet.

  2. England has never understood the balance between runs and wickets in ODIs. Tests yes, ODIs no, which is why they get into ridiculous situations. In 20/20 there is nothing to understand – you just stand there and hit it. Therefore England can be good at it.

  3. All is odd. Our parliament is hanged. Our middle-order is scoring runs.

    It feels like 1974!

    Except we lost to Pakistan in limited-overs games that summer. Our middle-order in Tests was epic – and full of non-English (Mike Denness and Tony Greig).

  4. We’ve probably got a surfeit of immigrant batsmen now. What about other skilled labourers?

    Can we not somehow encourage some dangerously fast bowlers to settle in the UK?

  5. Surely we can’t get too exited until they all get mongoose bats? (mongeese?)

    Love this group. With the SA bats out of form any of the games could go either way. Cup really starting to get it’s act together.

  6. Not sure it’s a good idea about the immigrant fast bowlers O King – few weeks of our bowling coaches at them and they’ll be bowling short and wide medium pace trundlers at all comers

  7. This is true.

    Can we get some sort of package deal with Pakistani bowling coaches?

  8. The answer is in there, in Ceci and KC’s comments. Encourage all the world’s fast bowlers to come here with promises of money / asylum / National Trust membership, coach them as if they were to play for England, and then, to quote Nick Griffin, “Send ’em all back.”

    That way, our batsmen can be confident of facing medium pace trundlers wherever they go, and totals in excess of 200 ought to become commonplace.

  9. Ah HAH!!! I see your plan!!! Going to bed now though. Far too drunk. Will hopefully be up in time for the game.

    I’m a student. Today’s party has seen more illegal drugs than an embezzling pharmacist. Good night, KC.

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