Let us tell you about Mark Wood from England’s World Cup squad

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Mark Wood (via YouTube)

Every now and again, Mark Wood bowls extremely quickly and decides a cricket match. We’re currently campaigning to have this event officially recognised as ‘forestation’ on the grounds that the opposition has been Wooded.

Mark Wood is the kind of person who has an imaginary horse. We can state this with complete confidence because he has an imaginary horse.

Wood used to do imaginary jousting with then Durham team-mate Mark Stoneman. “I’d be the Duke of Ashington and he’d be the Earl of Sunnyside,” he explained.

Wood says he’s, “never, ever ridden a non-imaginary horse, but I’ve fed them so I know what that’s all about.”

Your love for Mark Wood will almost certainly hinge on whether or not you think it’s funny that he used the term “non-imaginary horse.”

If you’re wondering about imaginary horse care, apparently, “You just have to feed the horse apples, keep him well-groomed and ride him around the outfield.”

Here is Mark Wood riding his imaginary horse during a Test match.

Let us tell you about the other members of England’s World Cup squad


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  1. People keep saying Mark Wood but what if he woodn’t? What do we all do then, eh?

    1. Telegraph are doing one for 4 quid. Which is about 4 quid more than I want to spend on it.

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