Send your match reports to email@example.com. If it’s a professional match, on no account mention the cricket itself. If it’s an amateur match, feel free to go into excruciating detail.
If you’ve not worked it out by now, our match report feature is not about the matches themselves; it’s about different people’s experiences of going to watch them.
It was the final of the Royal London One-Day Cup this weekend and we’ve got a full report of… what one attendee did the night before.
I travelled up to London the day before the game. I say London – my base for the night was Teddington, heart of the leafy suburbs.
I spent a pleasant evening with old friends. We played Rings in a pub. I had never played Rings before, but I won all three games, finishing with an extraordinary six-ring checkout. I immediately announced my retirement from Rings.
From there it was a short walk to the local Indian restaurant. Chicken tikka masala twice (for them); vegetable biryani (for me); a side of saag aloo; three garlic naans: two pilau rice and three onion bhajis.
The portions were on the large side and we soon realised we had over-ordered.
When it came time to settle up, one of our party handed over his debit card. The waiter tapped it on his machine, looked aghast and said: ‘It’s been declined’. An awkward silence. Then the waiter again: ‘That was a joke’. A receipt was produced and he disappeared to serve another table.
We strolled home. One of our number remarked on what a mild evening it was, and how relieved he was to have come out without his coat.
We reclined in front of Newsnight. The Prime Minister had announced her resignation. At the time of writing, it is not yet clear who will replace her.