Mike Hussey and Michael Clarke do that Australian thing

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< 1 minute read

How come opposition batsmen always get two innings? It's not fairYes, they stand on the beach, hurling a boomerang round a bemused kangaroo with Men At Work blaring out in the background, all the while continually telling you how rubbish everything is in England.

No, it’s the other thing, grinding cricket opponents into miserable submission.

242-3 overnight becomes 551-4 declared with all the long, insufferable predictability of a typical day at work. ‘Maybe if we could get Mike Hussey or Michael Clarke out we could have some success against the new batsman,’ you think. But you NEVER get them out, so you just end up thinking that all day.

Actually, Mike Hussey was eventually out, but all this means is that Andrew Symonds comes in and wallops a quick fifty with a big goofy grin on his face.

Then you have to bat and you’re so deflated after nigh-on two days with barely a wicket that you just can’t concentrate. So even ordinarily-profligate Brett Lee can wind up with figures of 2-4 off five overs.

It’s no fun playing against Australia. We’re not even sure it’s that much fun playing FOR Australia. You’re winning, but it’s almost drudgery.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Symonds goofy grin, are you comparing him to a monkey, that sounds racist to me.

    Ofcourse if you are saying his grin is goofy because he is from Queensland, i concur.

  2. We’re saying that Andrew Symonds has a goof grin because he’s Andrew Symonds and his grin is goofy.

    We’re being Andrew Symonds-ist.

    Birmingham AND Queensland. Poor Andrew Symonds. He never had a chance.

  3. Wait! Did you call Brett Lee profligate? I find myself mortally offended on his behalf and slightly bemused on my own.

    It appears that the nerves I get when he bowls at England are quite the unnecessary use of energy.
    I shall have to work on remedying the thought process rather than eat more to counter the expenditure of energy.

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