We’ve just been in Belgium. Our diet’s been very diverse, incorporating all sorts of beers, all sorts of cheeses and both mayonnaise and spiced mayonnaise. We like to think we know what we’re talking about when it comes to sports nutrition and we can therefore confirm that the revelations about the England cricket team’s dietary stipulations are slightly irritating.
Why? Modern Australia’s pretentious eating habits can no longer be ridiculed because the England cricket team have matched them quinoa for quinoa. You can’t very well mock Australians’ love of tofu and mung beans when your sporting representatives are knocking back the agave nectar. A joke has been stolen. There is no greater crime that that. (There absolutely is – don’t use this as part of your defence if you’re being tried for war crimes.)
The other major irritation arising from this almost certainly Ashes-winning menu is that it’s basically given a load of publicity to a certain manufacturer of protein supplements. We’ve nothing against the brand in question. Its just that this legitimises having an official supplier and repeatedly using their brand name where an ordinary word will do as if no alternative exists. We didn’t try and make out that we’d only been drinking De Halve Maan Straffe Hendrik for the past four days, did we? No – our blurred vision takes in broader horizons.