NEW OBSESSION: Danny Morrison commentary

We haven’t had a weird obsession with a trivial element of cricket in ages. Luckily Danny Morrison’s bizarrely beguiling intonation has stepped into the breach.

Hanging on his every word

We don’t dislike Danny Morrison, but he’s not a good commentator. Despite this, we find ourself listening to him far more closely than any other IPL commentator. This is because we’re fascinated with his halting, percussive speech patterns. We wrote about a fairly typical piece of Danny Morrison commentary last week. He basically talks in unrelated bullet points.

But the staccato delivery’s not even half of it. His commentary’s weirder still when he draws out his sentences to give added emphasis. What he’s actually saying pretty much never warrants that emphasis, so you find yourself in a constant state of puzzlement.

Pay attention: significant plot development

The best way we can describe it is that it’s as if Morrison is narrating the match, rather than commentating on it. What we mean by this is that he describes a leg-bye as if he KNOWS that this is a match-turning event; as if he’s already privy to what’s going to happen later on and is giving you hints.

There are only two ways to react:

  1. Be absolutely baffled as to why this is a significant moment
  2. Be absolutely baffled as to why Danny Morrison feels it necessary to make this seem like a significant moment

Why does he do this?

Our guess is that he feels obliged to make every on-field event sound momentous. By applying an excitable, momentous way of speaking when describing inconsequential events, he confuses everyone.

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29 Appeals

  1. Hmmm, I was expecting you to do something on IPL commentary, but I thought you might have targeted Ravi Sastri. I find him impossibly irritating.

    • Hi Dan .. You are abs right … Ravi Shastri is a liability and has outlived his utility ..He must make way for younger and better commentators … ever notice evry time he opens his trap a wicket falls … Overated and manipulative … During his playing days he was heckled by the crowds… Ravi Shastri Hai Hai ( Indian wailing by beating the chestas well)

  2. King Cricket

    March 22, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Dear Ravi,

    “Wow” is not commentating.

    We know you’re on the IPL ‘governing council’ and all that, but come on.

    Kind regards,
    King Cricket

    – How’s that, Dandy Dan?

  3. Where is the commentary in IPL???

    They keep on listing the sponsors name, Lot of people were earlier making jokes about it but now it’s getting ridiculous. That’s a DLF maximum, nearly a DLF maximum, trying to hit a DLF maximum, need a DLF maximum and the same with all the other sponsors names.

  4. Come on lads, lets take a Maxx Mobile strategic time out here – surely the finest moment of IPL commentary was Ravi Shastri’s comments on a large woman celebratin and how she ‘won’t need to go to the gym tomorrow – that’s her exercise for the week’

    A masterclass!

  5. KC. Brilliant!

    But only if you actually send it to him.

    Are you going to?

    • Ravi Shastri is an irritating commentator … same stlye and tries to highlight words with an emphasis …. ” And the indians are cruising along nicely … what the poms need is a wicket…& lo behold a wicket falls ” … observe it .. He has been hanging around since long 21 years or so …

  6. Fats: that wasn’t just the finest moment of the commentary, it was a Citi Moment of Success.

    • Carry on Danny … Atta boy UR Just too good …. And Ravi Shastri …Hai hai .. Overated commentator..making oodles of moolah from the cricket crazy nation that is india

  7. I love the random emphasis too – would like to see him in conversation with ColVILE – all normal known speech patterns would be deconstructed.

    I am collecting Lalitloves – those little admiring snippets of wisdom brought forth when his Modiness appears on screen – today’s, whilst he was conspicuously ignoring the cricket and on his mobile, was (in hushed reverent tones) “Lalit is making some decisions and communicating them to the world”

  8. King Cricket

    March 22, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Who said that? That’s unbelievably good.

  9. I think it was Harsha – he Lalitloves to perfection

  10. Danny is difficult to understand because he speaks in staccato catch-phrases and hipsterisms. It’s probably not his fault, since just about every NZ commentator does the same thing. Even, on those rare occasions he stops barracking for “his Kiwi boys”, Smuthy.

    Here’s a sample of Danny from the KFC Big Bash

    Bowlers need to hit the strings.
    Kentucky Fried Cosgrove (Subtle plug, Dan.)
    They are amped here, the Blues tonight.
    New Year’s Eve and a few bubbles. Gotta be done, folks.
    Good burgle.

  11. Danny’s IPL vs KC’s Zaltzman podcast.

    Screech vs Giggle.

    That’s one for the ages.

    Or not.

  12. My favourite Danny Morrison IPL moment was when he said “excellent stuff from the boys in blue”.

    Apart from the double meaning of the phrase “boys in blue” perhaps only meaningful to English audiences, on that occasion both teams were wearing blue.

    It reminded me of the seemingly endless pleasure my American business partner gets from cheering on “the whites” whenever I take him to a CC or test match.

  13. Anyone else noted the strange similarity of voice between Danny Morrison and the eerily similarly named Tony Harrison from the Might Boosh?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmfrLHtNt0U

  14. my favoirat is Danny boy!!!!!!!!! he has redefined cricket wid dis new form of enthusiastic commentry…

  15. danny morison should’ve been d bst commentator in d ipl awards.. IT’s really sad

  16. danny is the most eligible commentator in ipl to represent the matchh

  17. I heard him refer to being hit for six as being “DLF’ed” yesterday…

    Commentators also were adamant the Maxx Mobile Strategic Timeout should be taken immediately, rather than after the next over, as teams are making it look like a compulsory timeout. Funny that, given that a total of zero players were asking for a strategic timeout in a 20 over slogfest…

  18. Can’t someone shut him up? His accent is irritating and his non-stop banal commentary spoils the game. The other commentators have a balance.

  19. 1. Yessss…. the helicopter shot, loving hit, ha ha..
    2. This one’s clean and guess wat, it is out of here as well

    He is the best for IPL

  20. Putting aside the IPL’s unashamed commercialism I still like to watch the games in the afternoon because any cricket match featuring world class players is better than the usual conveyor of tepid housewife afternoon programs on television.

    However I draw the line when Morrison is in the commentary box. Talk about grating. the noise of scratching on a blackboard would be more welcome. The man is a complete buffoon with a ridiculous diction that spoils the game completely.

  21. I think Danny Morrison is by far the best cricket
    commentator and am baffled why he is restricted to
    the sub continent.I would love to hear him do the best test matches in England and Aussie.

  22. Danny Morrison is really hard to listen to. Terrible commentator it’s a chore to listen to him.

  23. mr tuttey nafrat

    July 26, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    Morrison is a selfish useless waste of space.sack him now.he ruins every game

  24. Look what you’ve done by indulging the ignorant git! We now have him doing things like the Pakistan vs Australia test commentary. This has brought me to the point that I’m willing to pay a kid in NZ to allege sexual assault just to get rid of him!

    Yes, I should feel sorry for him. He’s obviously a very sorry sort that is desperate for attention. He NEVER uses anyone or anything’s proper name. Always a nickname, always the implication that “we’re buds”, even though 99% would cross the street to avoid him.

    He’s Dick Vitale x The SNL Photocopier Guy x chihuahua. Could anything be more irritating? You realize the SNL skit was SUPPOSED to be the most irritating person ever. What does it say that DM exceeds that in real life?

    Yeah, some Indians seem to like it. Most the ones that do don’t speak a lot of English. But they do appreciate a penis. Might explain his monument. https://twitter.com/CowCornerCrikey/status/207260786467422209/photo/1

  25. He has to go, by any means necessary. The great, poised Pakistan vs NZ 2nd test, day five today…I wasn’t able to watch it live. The cat had surgery yesterday and was recovering and couldn’t take the stress of peoples’ reactions to him, which were quite justified. He was ruining day 5 of a poised test. That’s unforgivable.

    BTW, have you noticed that every.last.comment that supports him is…well, English challenged? It’s like AOL- internet for people that don’t know better. Danny Morrison- English language cricket commentary for those that don’t know English very well. Or have 1/2 a brain. Or ANY sensibilities.

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