A surprisingly small proportion of this last week’s County Championship cricket actually amounted to much

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< 1 minute read

The batsmen (and bowlers) of Middlesex, Warwickshire, Yorkshire and Hampshire busied themselves scoring hundreds and double hundreds. Nothing of any real consequence came about as a result of this behaviour.

The players representing Lancashire and Nottinghamshire stuck to double figures and that game therefore reached some sort of meaningful conclusion. Lancashire won.

The County Championship being what it is, Nottinghamshire remain top despite having now lost half of their games.

Individual feats

The most meaningful contribution of the week unquestionably came from the man who we may begin referring to as The Great Neil Wagner.

As we all know, Neil Wagner isn’t perfect and he may occasionally let you down, but he can also take 11 wickets on his Lancashire debut. Fellow debutant Liam Livingstone, who last year hit 350 in a one-day game while playing for Nantwich, played the innings of the week, making 70.

Number corner

  • Jonny Bairstow – 246
  • Sam Robson – 231
  • Jonathan Trott – 219 not out
  • Liam Plunkett – 126
  • Sean Ervine – 123
  • James Vince – 119
  • Sam Robson – 106

Kudos to Sam Robson for cropping up twice and double kudos to Jonathan Trott for being Jonathan Trott, but hell those numbers tell a soporific story.

Ryan Sidebottom took 4-80 in one of those matches and deserves some sort of medal for being the only one keen to drive a game forwards.


Jake took 4-63 and 2-29.

Bobby didn’t play.


Eat more vegetables, drink a bit less, but don’t go overboard with either. No-one likes a puritan.

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  1. Middlesex 12, Warwickshire 11…

    …shove it up your arse…

    …Middlesex are the best team etc. etc.

  2. Leicestershire are the only Div 2 team with a 100% winning record, so must be considered the favourites to start counting again next year.

    1. Initially thought you meant ‘counting’ as in ‘counting how many days/months/years it had been since their last win’. Stirring to think that Leicestershire may one day soon not be synonymous with long winless streaks.

  3. And now Lancs can capitalise on the momentum of that win by…. not playing any cricket for nearly two weeks.

  4. This is amazing coverage. I don’t even need to check the scores every 13 minutes this season if updates like this are going to continue?

  5. PS. you forgot AN Cook – one hundred and twOH WAIT, no, I see what you (didn’t) do there.

  6. Apparently, CH Gayle has named his daughter Blush, as in Oh yes I see what he did there…

    1. We were very much 50-50 whether we believed this when we saw his first tweet. It does seem to be true though.

      What a complete fucking idiot.

      1. Just so we’re clear, you’re not fully in approval of this latest CHG trolling? Come on now, don’t hold back – we’d appreciate you making your views unambiguous for once.

      2. After six months, you’d probably regret giving your dog a joke name.

        You’d look down at Mr Woofy and say: “Sorry, mate.”

        He’d look back at your with sad eyes.

        Blush is a human being. A human being named after a cringeworthy line from her dad during a failed attempt to hit on a reporter on live TV.

    1. duped [?]
      Other outlets are reporting that Blush is a) not called Blush and b) a boy. The scenes.

      1. Criticism retracted.

        Although the fact that it seemed even half-credible is something that Chris could perhaps reflect upon.

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