Australia’s second-best ODI bowlers

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The story at the moment is ‘liberated England’ – daring, dashing World Twenty20 champions who play with no fear.

That’s the official line, but we’re looking at an Australian one-day international (ODI) bowling attack that’s shorn of Mitchell Johnson, Peter Siddle, Ben Hilfenhaus and even Ryan Harris.

You could also add Brett Lee to that, although he might never come back and Dirk Nannes would conceivably be above the quick bowlers who appeared in Cardiff yesterday, were he available for ODI selection. Oh, and Nathan Bracken as well.

This Australia ODI bowling attack is a gherkin, emmental and chilli sauce sandwich made with dry wholemeal bread because all the food you thought you had in the house wasn’t actually there.

Australia never want to lose to anyone, least of all England, but if they had to pick a time, it would probably be now.


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  1. And the preferred Ozzie ODI bowling attack is precisely which culinary delight, KC?

    A Reuben sandwich perhaps? Or a Pastrami-on-rye?

    Could you be a little more specific for us, please?

  2. Well it would be part rough-and-ready but utterly ponced up due to Australia’s ridiculously middle-class society these days.

    Kangaroo and vegemite with blanched young leaves, drizzled with a balsamic vinegar reduction on organic malted five-seed sourdough.

  3. Much as I hate to talk about cricket I would be interested to know how their lack of bowlers accounts for their batsmen being shite.

  4. Have they batted that badly? Some Welsh observers felt that was a decent score in Cardiff.

    An understrength bowling attack can affect a side’s batting approach as well.

  5. The batting looks a bit panic stricken probably due to the fact that this bowling attack can’t fight off the confident English team and the Aussies are freaked out by that..

    But I think the English bowlers look bloody good as a team. Very disciplined.

  6. I was struggling to find a way of being pessimistic about these results, but you’ve done the business, as ever KC.
    That’s the spirit!

  7. I am really getting a bit sick of this argument. Of Australia’s 5-man attack, three would be playing anyway (Bollinger, Smith, Hopes) and the only reason we have had McKay and Hazelwood playing is the selectors’ snubbing of Tait, Bracken and Nannes.

    It’s just excuses. Australia are a full strength side from 1 to 8. Last year, when England were being thrashed, we were without Pietersen and Flintoff. But people still recognised that England were playing like shit, and that is why they lost.

    I don’t think Micheal Clarke fell into an obvious bodyline trap and Ricky Ponting got out twice to silly shots after playing himself in because they missed Mitchell too much.

  8. I get the Aussie bowling sandwich now, thanks KC, but what type of sandwich would the batting line up be?

    And is balsamic vinegar called balsamic in Oz? I think it might be named vegesamic, or perhaps batsamic.

  9. England’s attack is without Onions, Flintoff and Simon Jones (Jones added as his exclusion is about as relevant as Lee’s)

  10. Regular sex is making you mellow and hard to hate.

    And what sort of sandwich would the Englanders be if all were well (hold the Onions please).

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