Knowing our depth of feeling about Ian Bell, you must be desperate to read how we’re going to cover the news that he’s likely to replace Kevin Pietersen for the rest of the Ashes. It’s heated debate like what follows that makes the cricket world tick.
Angry that Ian Bell’s back?
You are wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Ian Bell being back is not remotely a bad thing.
Happy that Ian Bell’s back?
You are massively, massively wrong. You couldn’t be more wrong if you were angry that he was back. You wouldn’t be less wrong either. You’d be exactly as wrong. Those two diametrically opposed opinions are precisely equal in their wrongness.
So how should I feel?
You shouldn’t feel anything at all. Imagine you’re arriving at work on a Tuesday morning and looking into the faces of your colleagues. You should feel numb like that.
You should feel that same level of cold emotionless that you’ve developed as a coping mechanism for dealing with the empty pointlessness of your mundane life.