Mop-up of the day – England won two games

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England finally found a modicum of limited overs success. They’ve analysed the stats and apparently scoring hundreds and making big totals will give them a better chance of success in the World Cup. Common sense might also tell you such a thing.

The fifth one-day international

Joe Root became the first England batsman to survive spin bowling in the middle overs. He made a hundred, allowing the the lower order to do what they’ve always been perfectly capable of.

The Twenty20 international

Eoin Morgan remembered that he wasn’t terrible at cricket while the selectors remembered that Ravi Bopara played cricket. Even more strikingly, Virat Kohli finally passed 50 and totally vindicated being retained in our All Out Cricket fantasy team for the entire summer.

The Kingdom

And here are the final standings for the King Cricket one-day mini league. Bailout won. We apparently didn’t come second, but sixth.

Stupid updated WordPress means this probably won't display correctly


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. But it did display correctly, so take back what you hovered about WordPress.

    Congratulations Bailout. And congratulations KC, clearly inspired by many seasons of supporting Lancashire.

  2. Them are interesting numbers. The difference between #1 and #2 is close to 2000, which is also the difference between #2 and #8. This makes Bailout the Bradman of cricket predictification and fantasizing. I declare him Cricket-Uber-Numero-Uno (CUNU). KC’s is no mean achievement as well, what with him coming in as Cricket-Uber-Numero-Two.

    1. Doesn’t work so well when you have the numbers in the same language, sadly. Whoever heard of a CUND?

    2. It’s not D. Cower’s fault, they just use whatever language they want when giving the numbers. This might lead to confusion when debating whether or not Virat Kohli has scored a century in the test series when he has been in one’s mini-league team for the whole duration, however, and is to be avoided.

  3. So the ODI team will/should include Haley, Belly, ‘Lancey, Tayley, Rooty, Morgs, Boppy, Ali-y, Jeeves, and Stokesy in its batting squad.

    Have I missed anyone? No. No, I don’t think I have.

    1. This was sent along with an angry scrawl to an innocent person working on awful Shakespeare productions in Stratford-upon-Avon during the T20, presumably making fun of ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ as the dramatic equivalent of pop music churned out to bring in aesthetically indifferent crowds and literary critics:

    2. The perpetrator is unknown, although a highly-qualified actor has said that they clearly have a ‘heart of gold.’

  4. The only problem with the display of that mini league is that it doesn’t register the final two games.

    Once they are taken into account the mini league looks like this:

    …with his majesty in 6th place, not 2nd, although Bailout maintains his roughly 2000 point advantage.

    I am delighted to report that a late surge in points (class is permanent, form is temporary) got me to my traditional position of mid-table mediocrity.

    Also delighted to report that Laurence Elderbrook is still the rear end to end all rear ends.

  5. Wait, yer maj, are you telling us now it has been King Poppy all along? That’s more reginal than regal.

  6. When I look at my team selection I am told that I have 25,744 points and am in 38th place on the overall leaderboard.

    When I look at the overall leaderboard I am restored to 29,502 points, am first overall – by less than two hundred points above a denizen of a foreign realm – and can see poppie in 8th, FancySchmancy in 18th, playgue of extraordinary gentlemen in 20th, Is Tendulkar Not Playing Anymore? in 27th and our royal highness in 30th. A particular smile was raised by Laurence Elderbrook’s Eleven being 1139th and last but he faced some serious competition for that spot from some folk who were apparently being serious …

    Just before the T20 the minileague showed me first by just five points and outside the top hundred overall so the last update must have been quite interesting!

    1. I feel the KC cohort have comported themselves competently considering our collective claims to cricketing cleverness. Corking competition!

  7. Late, Flat, and Far Too Loud (previously known as Bhangra-Morris Fusion) are very happy with their 16th in the Kingdom, despite having not changed their eleven at all throughout the series. This includes having Jordan and Bell present for all five matches, and the T20 if that counted for anything.

    Were any further evidence required that pyjama cricket is pants in comparison to Tests, it isn’t now.

  8. I hope Lancs give Nathan Buck some games, might as well make use of him rather than just buggering up Leics even more like they did with Wayne White.

    I think it’s about time Leics folded. This is a complete waste of time.

    Although the seconds are having a really good year, oddly.

    1. That’s a really awesome piece, Sam. It makes me long for a life I’ve never led! Someday, hopefully, my fiancee and I will return to her homeland – Manchester – and I’ll learn to play some cricket. For now, I’m content with the odd similarities between being an England fan and a Red Sox fan.

    2. Cheers Robb with two Bs. I used to work with an Edd with two Ds. Then I got a new job and found myself sitting next to another Edd with two Ds. He reminded me f a chap I used to work with called Colin.

  9. AOC is messing with my head – my team selection screen now shows me with 26,478 points and overall 2nd place (both improved from last time I checked the team screen).

    The Kingdom leaderboard still has me in first place on 26,502 points (down from last time I checked), about 1500 above poppie while Yer Maj is in 3rd. There isn’t a whole match’s difference between those two points scores so no idea what the discrepancy in updating is.

    The overall leaderboard shows me in first, as before, but still on 26,502 points with Poppy in second place 1500 points behind me, and Lionheart – the denizen of a foreign realm where they have clearly perfected novelty xenotransplantation – in 3rd. At this point our royal highness was 17th overall.

    I’m guessing the current display shows the state of play before the T20 but after the ODIs have actually been included in the calculations. If that is true then I must have had a better T20 than poppie and extended my minilead while having a worse T20 than some of the furriners, barely clinging on to first place. But I don’t have an explanation for the gap between 26,502 points and first place, and 26,478 points and second place. Anyway whatever happened to 29,502 and first place? I want my points back please AOC.

    1. Where in the rules did it mention negative points?

      I can take the despair, it’s the hope I can’t stand etc.

    2. Hmmm, I added up my scores from each of the individual games’ leaderboards and they added up to 26,197. For some reason everywhere else I seem to be on 19,276 points.

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