Rob Key double hundred

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Rob Key hit fuckloads of runs today!It’s not exactly on a par with the 221 he hit in a Test match against the West Indies, but Rob Key‘s 261 off 270 balls against Durham today has added a cheese garnish to the plate of cured meat that was England’s World Twenty20 victory. That’s our version of a cherry on a cake, by the way, because we hate cake.

True, Durham’s current side largely consists of those sorts of players where you can’t quite remember if they’re batsmen or bowlers, but Steve Harmison was playing and taking wickets and the next highest score was 43, so this definitely classes as ‘a good knock’.

The fact that this innings featured twice as many runs as Rob had scored in his previous 10 first class innings combined is proof that he has found the on-off switch to his genius and has triumphantly flicked it to ‘on’. Clearly, Rob forgot that he switched his genius off for the winter because he was sick of people asking why he was glowing like the Ready Brek kid.

Glow now, Rob. Glow like THE SUN. Scorch our worthless retinas with your brilliance before ill-advisedly padding up to one pitching on middle in order to save our sight from permanent damage.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. …and not content with looking a class apart he also looked, compared to an alarming number of other players – far too many of them from Durham – svelte

  2. Apparently Fat Boy Key hid up one end sacrificing his colleagues on the altar of Steve Harmison’s opening spell & then cleaned up on the joke bowling of part timers.

    Truly a captain’s innings. 😉

  3. I would’ve complained to the ombudsman had this not extracted a post from you, KC.

    I’ve comissioned Banksy to paint an obscenely large Key mural on the side of my house in honour of this occasion.

  4. Maybe there was a bit of that, but mostly he was just a bit older than Ian Bell. He’s never been obviously superior to his rivals.

    Maybe if he’d spurned the Kent captaincy and given his batting everything.

  5. Revisionist nonsense.

    Key has a test batting average of 30 odd which includes a double century against the mighty Windies.

    He’s just not good enough. End of.

  6. Nah, that was way back. He hasn’t played a Test since he was 25. Not many Test batsmen could be judged ‘not good enough’ at that age after only 15 Tests.

    But he didn’t do enough to force his case, so it’s immaterial. He could have played more Tests, but we don’t know whether he *should* have done.

  7. LOL at not pressing his case strenuously.

    He was banging his gums for a test recall off a season’s batting average circa 14 last year. :rolleyes:

  8. He averaged 54 last year.

    But you’re right, in the second division that’s only worth about 14.

  9. What’s all this nonsense about “averages” and “not good enough” and “not given a chance”.

    There are only two pertinent questions:

    1. Is (was) he too fat to play international sport?
    2. Was his easily-punnable name just too easy for the UK’s fine assembly of humorous headline writers?

    To the first question, my answer is that he was simply unlucky to be born a cricketer and not a darts player.

    To the second question, Onions, Mustard, Broad, Bell, Prior, Swann, Trott, Cook (and to a lesser extent, Collingwood).

  10. To clarify Key averaged 54 last season largely off the back of 2 late season big scores.

    However he was in a trough similar to his pre-Durham heroics when he was to be found regularly popping up on the BBC Sport website talking up his England chances.

    When it comes to talking the talk he’s up there with KP.

  11. I can accept the shunning of cake, but should you really be encouraging people to eat processed meat, KC, now that such products are intrinsically linked to everything medically evil from strokes to cancer.

    Now where did I put my packet fo bangers for my naughty-boy supper?

  12. What’s with the Key bashing by some? Surely everyone has a favourite player whose claims for higher honours they’ve pushed despite the distinct possibility they might not be quite good enough? Here in New Zealand it’s practically compulsory..

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