This has to be the last Matthew Hayden post

Posted by
< 1 minute read

In 2006, we started writing about how Matthew Hayden spoke bollocks. At that point, his batting drew most people’s attention and it hadn’t been widely acknowledged that the man was sucking all meaning out of words and then piling them together arbitrarily. Now everyone has noticed.

Even Michael Atherton’s slagging him off for talking nonsense now, so in many ways our work is done. The world is well-equipped to mock Hayden’s cod-business guff-talking without us.

And yet we’ve continued. Every time that we feel like we’re out, he pulls us back in. The man’s retired, so he should no longer be a target, but there he is evaluating Phil Hughes or launching The Hayden Way. Sometimes it’s just too easy.

Our latest article for Cricinfo comes as a result of Hayden investing in the Big Bash League. It has to be the last thing we do about Matthew Hayden, but we fear it won’t be. It says it all that Cricinfo usually add a disclaimer about all quotes being made-up, but it wasn’t necessary in this instance, because we used genuine quotes. The man is officially a self-parody.

Read it here.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Top infotainment, KC.

    Or should I say cricinfotainment?

    The Mongoose promotional picture and the caption complement your piece perfectly. Are you SURE you don’t choose the pics and write the captions at Cricinfo?

    Without in any way detracting from your piece, btw, I did very much enjoy (& lol at) Tyers’ reference to Sreesanth in this one:

  2. “To create a company that promotes a lifestyle centred on family, community, sustainability and social responsibility, through the passionate celebration of sports, wellness, recreation and leisure pursuits.”


    1. Only 5 years? late bloomer.

      It’s hard to say how long i’ve been doing it but like yourself, i’ve tried to stop, and each time i’ve been unsuccessful. I’ve told myself many times, that this is the last one, just one more etc.
      I’ve am no longer trying to stop and just enjoy it for what it is.

      I highly recommend you do the same.

  3. Does “proposition” mean “cricket match”? He knows his audience; it is the kind of patter that families love.

    1. Oh sweet Mary, mother of Christ, you’re not TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MATTHEW HAYDEN IS SAYING are you?

      That way misery and aneurysms lie.

  4. I seem to recall a story about some exasperated interviewer asking Hayden about the time he was bitten by a dog, to try and get a non-“executing skillsets in the big moments”-type answer.

    Hayden’s response: “I was probably more disappointed than anything else”

    Bell end.

    Details may or may not be true. doesn’t matter. he is an utter tit.

  5. “Twathead Hymen” is an anagram of Matthew Hayden. I think it is important to remember that at a time like this.

Comments are closed.