This has to be the last Matthew Hayden post

In 2006, we started writing about how Matthew Hayden spoke bollocks. At that point, his batting drew most people’s attention and it hadn’t been widely acknowledged that the man was sucking all meaning out of words and then piling them together arbitrarily. Now everyone has noticed.

Even Michael Atherton’s slagging him off for talking nonsense now, so in many ways our work is done. The world is well-equipped to mock Hayden’s cod-business guff-talking without us.

And yet we’ve continued. Every time that we feel like we’re out, he pulls us back in. The man’s retired, so he should no longer be a target, but there he is evaluating Phil Hughes or launching The Hayden Way. Sometimes it’s just too easy.

Our latest article for Cricinfo comes as a result of Hayden investing in the Big Bash League. It has to be the last thing we do about Matthew Hayden, but we fear it won’t be. It says it all that Cricinfo usually add a disclaimer about all quotes being made-up, but it wasn’t necessary in this instance, because we used genuine quotes. The man is officially a self-parody.

Read it here.

Hey you!

If you can't really be bothered checking King Cricket for updates, then why not let us come to you...

Get the email (this is the best option)

On Twitter

On Facebook

9 Appeals

  1. Top infotainment, KC.

    Or should I say cricinfotainment?

    The Mongoose promotional picture and the caption complement your piece perfectly. Are you SURE you don’t choose the pics and write the captions at Cricinfo?

    Without in any way detracting from your piece, btw, I did very much enjoy (& lol at) Tyers’ reference to Sreesanth in this one:

  2. “To create a company that promotes a lifestyle centred on family, community, sustainability and social responsibility, through the passionate celebration of sports, wellness, recreation and leisure pursuits.”


    • King Cricket

      August 25, 2011 at 12:46 pm

      That’s basically what we’ve been doing for five years now.

    • Only 5 years? late bloomer.

      It’s hard to say how long i’ve been doing it but like yourself, i’ve tried to stop, and each time i’ve been unsuccessful. I’ve told myself many times, that this is the last one, just one more etc.
      I’ve am no longer trying to stop and just enjoy it for what it is.

      I highly recommend you do the same.

  3. There are no comments from hysterical Indians, how am I supposed to know what to think of it?

  4. A different Pete

    August 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Does “proposition” mean “cricket match”? He knows his audience; it is the kind of patter that families love.

    • King Cricket

      August 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm

      Oh sweet Mary, mother of Christ, you’re not TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MATTHEW HAYDEN IS SAYING are you?

      That way misery and aneurysms lie.

  5. I seem to recall a story about some exasperated interviewer asking Hayden about the time he was bitten by a dog, to try and get a non-“executing skillsets in the big moments”-type answer.

    Hayden’s response: “I was probably more disappointed than anything else”

    Bell end.

    Details may or may not be true. doesn’t matter. he is an utter tit.

  6. Not that Other Pete

    August 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    “Twathead Hymen” is an anagram of Matthew Hayden. I think it is important to remember that at a time like this.

Comments are closed.

© 2019 King Cricket

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑