Watching (and missing) a dramatic day of England v West Indies in 2000 – a match report

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Send your match reports to We’re only interested in what it was like to be at the game, so if it’s a professional match, on no account mention the cricket itself. Equally, if it’s an amateur match, please go into excruciating detail.

William went to day three of the 2000 Lord’s Test between England and the West Indies.

He writes:

I went with some work related people, Neill and James. I actually like them though.

Usually that involves not watching cricket and having a nice lunch. I actually prefer this as I hate the tension of a game involving England (certainly 2000 England).

Unfortunately the two people I was with were quite keen to watch. I busied myself smoking and buying beer.

Luckily I was under strict orders to attend Tony’s 40th birthday late afternoon. He’s related to my wife Christine who was away with Madeleine (aged 1)

That meant at some crucial time I had to leave. I think it was crucial because Neill said, ‘don’t be a wanker, fuck the bloody party, it’s getting tense.’

[Editor: William had three asterisks between W and R and two after the F, but we gambled this was an arithmetical error. We didn’t check with him what those words should have been because it’s more fun to guess.]

I insisted on family obligations.

I got to the party and Tony asked me what the fuck I was doing there, seeing as I should be at the cricket.

He then told me the result. I didn’t enjoy the party. Neill and James stayed out till 5am.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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    1. Thanks Ged.

      Even before we’ve clicked, that URL has a real match reportage vibe about it.

      1. Well spotted.

        But more comprehensive reportage on the Duchess’s behaviours, the mean streets of Marylebone and the subsequent Bach concert than on the cricket to be honest.

    2. Christ Ged, you go and watch that stuff for enjoyment? At least with Deep Purple it only happened for a bit before the real music started!

  1. I wish you’d left the asterisks in. It could have been a weird version of King Cricket Sudoku if you’d left some clues at the bottom of the article…even I may even have been able to solve the words. ** actually translates to ‘UCK’ in ancient Celtic. *** is obviously ‘essence of toad’.

    Top Trumps anyone?…Oh!

  2. Turns out all three spouses were pregnant. Neill and James Gate crashed a Wedding. James took a bottle of champagne. Not sure of order of purchase/ gate crash.

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