Where is the ICC’s Test mace?

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Not much more than a week ago, Australia captain Steve Smith was presented with the ICC Test Championship mace in a closed ceremony. The media and public would of course have been clamouring to attend such a spectacular and meaningful event.

The nature of the presentation gave rise to an obvious question. If an ICC Test Championship mace is handed over and no-one is there to see it, is that team really the top-ranked Test nation?

The answer, it seems, is no – or at the very least ‘probably not but let’s see how this final match goes’.

Australia could stay top if they (stop laughing) beat Sri Lanka in the next Test; India could go top if they win their next two Tests; and either England or Pakistan could theoretically go top if they win the fourth Test at the Oval. There are of course many permutations and it’s hard not to conclude that life’s too short before turning your attention to far more important questions.

Far more important questions like where they hell is the Test mace right now? Where does it live?

The mace should really be something of a nomad, tucked into the kit bag of whichever Test captain currently has the right to wield it, but this seems unlikely.

Many people would doubtless feel it appropriate for the mace to bed down each night at The Home of Corks, but we don’t believe this is the case, otherwise that ground would be entitled to call itself The Home of The Test Mace. This would clearly supersede its preferred Home of Cricket nickname on the grounds that such a name would at least be accurate.

More likely the mace lives in Dubai at ICC headquarters, but does it just sit there, idle? Surely in uncertain situations such as the one in which we currently find ourselves, it should be loaded onto a private jet ready to be deployed.

Imagine becoming the top-ranked Test nation and not instantly being handed a giant mace. Just imagine it. Just imagine how that would make you feel.


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  1. Imagine being handed a giant mace without being the top-ranked Test nation.
    What would it all mean?

    1. You could at least comfort yourself with the knowledge that you possessed a giant mace.

  2. When they’re confident that it works as it should, will the real mace be rolled out in its place?

  3. I see that the BBC are, most rudely, carrying on taking over the business of recalling mundane cricketing related anecdotes:

    “I missed Roy Fredericks stepping on his wicket at the start of the 1975 World Cup final when we couldn’t find a parking space!”

    1. That is a rather extreme and petulant reaction to somebody else’s minor irritation.

      Five Australian run-outs that day – top running!

      1. On recent evidence, we should maybe let the whole match play out before reaching these sorts of conclusions.

      2. Well I stand corrected – we are clearly the best test team in the world, ever, and all the rest can shove that giant golden ceremonial weapon up their arse.

  4. If we can find a decent number 2, 4 and 5, this team would look bloody good.

    Surprised they resisted dropping Vince for Rashid and moving everyone up a spot.

    Looking at the division one averages, Keaton Jennings has had a cracking season.

    There’s also a chap named Trescothick who looks in decent nick.

    1. It’s probably because dropping Vince for Rashid on a temporary basis doesn’t get them any closer to finding a good number 4.

      You don’t fix problems by doing something else and then looking into fixing them next year, unless they’re my boiler, in which case it’s a completely valid approach, jesus woman lay off

      1. I just don’t get why Vince is in the team. I didn’t understand when we got picked in the first place and it still doesn’t make any sense now.

        His first class batting record is almost identical to that of Chris Woakes, except most of Woakes’ runs are in the first divison rather than the U13s reserve league . And yet Woakes bats eight and Vince four?

    1. Of course most Middlesex supporters have heard of guacamole. Some of us know how to spell it. Some of us even know how to eat it without making a mess down our shirt.

      Whack-a-mole – excellent pun Balladeer, well done.

  5. M Ali currently vying for position as Sam’s Favourite Cricketer Currently Playing Cricket with IR Bell and K Sangakkara

      1. The Sledgehammer Of Eternal Justice could be playing third XI cricket in the Cornwall League on a drizzly Sunday afternoon. He’d still be up there.

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