Has someone in England been given a giant mace for being good at summat?

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Look at the size of that mace

You bet your boots they have.

The rest of us are just going to have to accept that we probably aren’t going to be given giant maces for implementing efficiency measures that led to a reduction in overall losses in the second financial quarter when compared to the same period in the previous year.

‘Winning at cricket’ is such a good job to have.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Just to confirm that your article the other day wasn’t stereotyping, the photo shows Bresnan being happy in a common working-class way, whereas Strauss’s happiness is seen to be several points more refined and upmarket.

  2. This is an extract from my wife’s copy of Grazia:

    “Shane Warne has received so much flak for his primped new look, even his poor old dad has told everyone to stop picking on him “because he looks great”. I’m sorry Keith, but your boy doesn’t look great. He looks like a WAG who’s had a gender reassignment.

    There’s nothing wrong with a bit of male grooming. No one is keen on jungley nostrils or Vesuvius black spots. But a man with an obviously fake-baked face, glossy lips or strangely immobile forehead just doesn’t look sexy. A man with all three looks like a big girl. I don’t mean gay, either. No gay man I know would dream of wearing a mauve V-neck tucked into a blingy white belt, and he’d be far too clever to turn himself orange….So even as Shane Warne continues to work his Easter European rent boy look, I was relieved to read last week most British men have stepped away from the salon-strength hair gel and have adopted a less-is-more approach to male grooming.”

    So England win again…

    1. If Grazia are calling you an Eastern European rent boy, you’ve got to ask yourself some questions.

  3. If you’re reading your wife’s copy of Grazia, you’ve got to ask yourself some questions.

    1. Quite KC. My girlfriend never lets me read her copy of Glamour.

      I’ve always got to go to the newsagents to ‘get my own’.

  4. Dandy,

    I guess you are unaware of this, but Grazia has traditionally set quite a high standard when it comes to cricket-related banter, albeit from a particular perspective. For instance, they regularly cover ‘posh-totty’ which normally includes a reference to Cookie, there’s something on Jimmy’s metrosexual moments…and not least, Kev’s C-list better half. And Pete, in my view, it is not worth it. But only just…

  5. Did anyone else see Jimmy on Shooting Stars the other night? He was a bit dull I thought although as a friend pointed out, he’s a professional sportsman.

    Swanny would have been good though.

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