Why Bangladesh will DEFINITELY win the Asia Cup

Posted by
2 minute read

Okay, we’ve had a slight about-turn. We’ve decided that Bangladesh aren’t certain to lose the Asia Cup final to Pakistan. We’ve decided they’re definitely going to win instead.

This sudden heartfelt belief has come about because we spent four minutes thinking about Shakib Al Hasan yesterday and we remembered how important it is to have pointless and illogical obsessions in life.

Let’s try and get a handle on Shakib Al Hasan’s unparalleled genius using some facts. Other websites do facts and people read them, so there are no excuses – you have to keep reading.

What a bowler!

At the age of 24, Shakib Al Hasan has taken 158 one-day international wickets. That is a lot. Do you know how many England players have taken more than 158 one-day international wickets in the whole of history?


At the age of 24, Shakib Al Hasan has already outdone Eddie Hemmings, Alan Mullally and scores of other household names. Only Andrew Flintoff, James Anderson and Darren Gough can boast of having taken more wickets and they are all completely ace.

Read it and weep, Phillip Defreitas.

What a batsman!

At the age of 24, Shakib Al Hasan has hit 3,567 one-day international runs. That is a lot. Do you know how many England players have scored more than 3,567 one-day international runs in the whole of history.


Okay, that’s not quite as impressive, but luminaries such as Wayne Larkins and Vikram Solanki are still trailing in our boy’s wake.

Read it and weep, Jamie Dalyrymple.

What an all-rounder!

It should be noted that Andrew Flintoff, James Anderson and Darren Gough have all scored fewer runs than Shakib, so he wins at cricket. He is the best of the cricketers.

This is why Bangladesh will win the Asia Cup. If they don’t, it’s because one of the other ten players has ruined it for everybody with his rank incompetence.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. At the age of 24, Shakib Al Hasan has played 125 one-day internationals. That is a lot. Do you know how many England players have played more than 125 one-day internationals in the whole of history?


    Funnily enough, those six include Andrew Flintoff, James Anderson and Darren Gough (the others being Collingwood, Stewart and, unexpectedly, Strauss). It’s almost as if there’s a connection between playing lots of matches and taking more wickets and scoring more runs.

    On the other hand, he’s only played a frankly pathetic 26 tests. In runs he’s behind sixty seven English batsmen, including stars like John Emburey and Mike Denness. In terms of wickets he’d come behind forty five English bowlers (way behind, for example, Ashley Giles and Devon Malcolm).

    1. That comment has all the hallmarks of nay-saying.

      You know what we say to nay-saying? We say ‘nay’. Nay nay-saying, we say. Nay nay-saying.

    1. I heard a gent at the Adelaide Oval in 1986 repeatedly express otherwise although his reasoning seemed to be based on Phil’s colour. The ‘fan’ was English by the way.
      I felt so terrible for him I even stopped giving him stick about his red undies.

  2. I do not wish Bangladesh well. Shakib is okay, but would struggle to get into the top five teams in either format. I am not one for stats, but I did look up cricinfo, and Shakib’s average against the top teams is nothing to write home about (even for an all-rounder) – he has done decently against India, but I am pretty sure that his average would take a beating in Eng and Aus. I am tired of people talking up Bangladesh and their players. They’ve been around for eight years now, and have shown no marked improvement as a team. The fact that everyone’s dancing around for their sporadic victories is in itself a shame. What would it take for them to have a decent cricketing year? If the ICC repealed their test status, mayhaps?

    1. Why is everyone so keen that we abandon our pointless and illogical obsessions?

      Next you’ll be telling us we shouldn’t try and launch a Golden Axe World Cup.

    2. Sorry KC, I didn’t mean to sound like a total asshole, but I guess I ended up doing just that. For some reason, cricket seems to forgive a team more readily than it does an individual and this pisses me off. It’s for the same reason I am against a gazillion teams taking part in the World Cup. But I’ll let you indulge in your pointless fantasies. It’s a Wednesday afternoon after all. And quite a beautiful one at that (at least here where I live).

    3. “They’ve been around for eight years now, and have shown no marked improvement as a team”

      Clearly the solution is to deny internationals to the tens of millions of cricket fans in that part of the world. We wouldn’t want poor old you to be forced into watching a team not be very good, after all. That would be the real tragedy.

    4. Hold your horses, Howe. I said the ICC should revoke their test status, not ban them from cricket.

    5. Golden Axe. Now that brings back some memories. I was the model for the cover, don’t you know, although I looked a bit different back then.

      The hardest part was holding that sword above my head for so long.

    6. The West Indies, India and Sri Lanka took forever to become competitive after they first started playing cricket. Of course, England and Australia were pretty much the first two so there was no one to compare them to.

      Think of 8 years ago as Bangladesh’s 1885. They need more time to become competitive. Revoking their test status can only make things worse.

    7. Durham were county cricket’s whipping boys for several years. They’ve since won the title twice. Not too bad for a side that’s only been in the professional game twenty years. Took Glamorgan longer, although they had WWII to deal with. So, we’re still looking at around twenty years.

    8. Of course, while Bangladesh may turn out to be the Durham of Test cricket, it’s equally possible that they’re Northants.

  3. Ah, Jamie Dalrymple. Forever doomed to be remembered for taking a decent catch in a pointless one-day match in Australia, and shit all else.

    1. Surely “forever doomed to be remembered for going out with Pippa Middleton for a bit”?

    2. Forever doomed to be mixed up with a guy who went out with Pippa Middleton for a bit.

  4. Sorry, you are quite right. I do have trouble keeping the posh treble-initialled “spin-bowling” “all-rounders” of 2006 distinct in my head.

Comments are closed.