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Lord Megachief of Gold 2008

Bowled on 1st January, 2009 at 12:00 by
Category: Lord Megachief of Gold, Shivnarine Chanderpaul

2007′s Lord Megachief of Gold was Shivnarine Chanderpaul, but who will be given the most exalted title in all of cricket for 2008?

The contenders

Gautam Gambhir came of age as a Test batsman and averaged 70.87 during 2008. Graeme Smith did his things and averaged 72. Ajantha Mendis took his Test wickets at 18 and his one-day international wickets at 10. He also brought us the carrom ball.

Who will it be? Who will be crowned Lord Megachief of Gold 2008?

2008′s Lord Megachief of Gold is…

Shivnarine Chanderpaul

In honour of his ongoing achievements, we’re promoting Shiv to Grand Lord Megachief of Gold. No-one’s really noticed, but Shiv has probably had an even better year than in 2007.

In 2007, he averaged a jaw-dropping 111.60 in Test cricket. That was in three Tests against England and one against South Africa – barely even a series-worth of cricket.

In 2008, he averaged a relatively measly 101, but he played two Tests each against South Africa, Sri Lanka and New Zealand and three against Australia.

They might have won the series, but Shiv did a right number on Australia. In six innings, he averaged 147. He was out three times, hit two hundreds and three fifties.

Also in 2008, he found time to win a one-day match with a last ball six and even more extraordinarily, to shepherd Jerome Taylor to a Test hundred. The man’s so devoted to run-scoring, he can’t score enough on his own now; he’s actually subcontracting in order to handle the workload.

In years to come, they’re going to rewrite the coaching manuals, because there is no way that Shivnarine Chanderpaul’s approach to batting can be anything other than ‘exactly right’. There’s a chance that he’s scoring his first 40 runs in each innings because the fielding side can’t bear to look at him, but hey – they all count.

Bat like Shivnarine Chanderpaul

  • Spend eight years riding horses for about 12 hours a day in order to get the correct bandy-legged gait.
  • When taking your guard, turn 90 degrees so that you’re facing the bowler as he runs in.
  • Try and do something – anything – unexpected with your elbows.
  • Practise scuttling.

Shivnarine Chanderpaul, Grand Lord Megachief of Gold, we salute you, in an ugly yet undeniably effective way.

Cricket hip flask!

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  1. Reply
    Dave   //   January 1st, 2009 at 13:39

    Clearly the only sensible choice.

  2. Reply
    e normous   //   January 1st, 2009 at 13:56

    you forgot

    - wear things that are several sizes too big for you, especially your helmet; apart from actually playing the ball, adjusting your ill-fitting suit of armour will be your main priority.

  3. Reply
    ceci   //   January 1st, 2009 at 14:34

    Doesn’t he mark his guard by hammering a bail into the crease – is he tapping into a leyline? and the small stature and scuttliness… Grand Lord Megachief of Gold and Middle Earth AND Durham. Hurrah!

  4. Reply
    A P Webster   //   January 1st, 2009 at 14:38

    Hurrah for Shiv! What’s the next one up after Grand Lord Megachief?

    Also, he would have scored a lot more runs if he’d been batting with better players – seemingly loads of his innings are cut short by running out of batting partners.

  5. Reply
    Suave   //   January 1st, 2009 at 16:15

    you enormous bunch of loveliness.

    Grand Lord Megachief Of Gold, is truly a title that the boy/man deserves!

    2009 is going to be a good year!

  6. Reply
    e normous   //   January 1st, 2009 at 17:19

    btw… “year’s to come”?

    what are you, american? didn’t used to be like this. should of been more careful. you oughta be lit on fire.

  7. Reply
    King Cricket   //   January 1st, 2009 at 17:21

    We always like to start the year with a shoddy typo.

  8. Reply
    figment   //   January 1st, 2009 at 19:18

    dont forget the tape below the eyes, they are a part of revolutionary tech to keep eyes open at all times.

    why are all the Lord Megachief contenders that bat left handed

  9. Reply
    tee   //   January 2nd, 2009 at 00:22

    i have two queries … number one being why is rob key not named as a possible contender? considering your adulation of the tubby tonker, i would have expected his name to grace the list…. secondly, perhaps this has already been covered in a past post, unfortunately though, i have had a beer and can’t be bothered checking, but, i thought the highest accolade that you awarded was that of ‘king cricket’… which if memory serves was, or possibly is brian lara…… are you brian lara?

  10. Reply
    damiths   //   January 2nd, 2009 at 04:55

    Grand Lord Megachief of Gold – I like it.

    - shuffle around like you are going for a switch hit but you really arn’t.

  11. Reply
    damiths   //   January 2nd, 2009 at 04:55

    ps- happy new yr o ‘ great king !

  12. Reply
    Ged Ladd   //   January 2nd, 2009 at 10:19

    On behalf of the Burghers of Middlesex, I send tribute to 2008’s Lord Megachief of Gold, Shiv Chanderpaul.

    We shall never forget your astonishing contribution to Middlesex’s success in the Twenty20 cup semi-final match against Durham:

    http://content-uk.cricinfo.com/countycricket2008/engine/match/320191.html

    A finer demonstration of the fine art of test-match-style batting we have yet to see.

    Shiv, we thank you and applaud you.

  13. Reply
    Dada   //   January 2nd, 2009 at 12:45

    Collingwood and Shiv are the arch-nemesis of T20. If they bat together more often they might just bring down the commercial monster.

  14. Reply
    King Cricket   //   January 2nd, 2009 at 17:58

    ‘Lord Megachief of Gold’ is an annual award honouring achievement in a given calendar year.

    ‘King Cricket’ was formerly an ongoing title, similar to a boxing title. However, it has been unofficially retired from use as everyone started calling us King Cricket and we lost the will to explain the (unnecessarily complicated) situation.

  15. Reply
    S.L.D   //   January 4th, 2009 at 05:52

    all hail Lord Megachief Shiv Chanderpaul THE UGLIEST!!!

  16. Reply
    Q   //   January 5th, 2009 at 11:44

    He deserves it.. love the guide. Brilliant.

  17. Reply
    Mahinda   //   January 5th, 2009 at 12:47

    All hail Big Shiv!

    It wasn’t just a 6 to win that ODI — it was a 4 then a 6 from the last two balls of the match. I didn’t like it, but I’ll forgive him.

    Happy 2009, all of you. Even the harridans.

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