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The India itinerary – good and also rubbish

Bowled on 15th July, 2008 at 10:11 by
Category: England cricket news, India cricket news

England tour India over the winter. They play two Tests, which is clearly too few. They will also play seven one-day internationals, which is clearly a huge waste of everyone’s time.

You can’t blame India. The last time England toured, the Test series was drawn while the one-dayers were so painfully one-sided they might as well have been us – seriously, we can just about pull off ‘waving’ with our left hand, but nothing more complex than that.

Some England fans (read ‘the English media’) are disappointed by the venues, but we’ve been to quite a few of the towns and it’s not all bad. The one they should be complaining about is bleeding Mumbai. If you want to see a man channelling urine down the inside of his leg and out of the bottom of his trouser leg, go to Mumbai.

Ahmedabad

The first Test’s at Ahmedabad and seemingly everyone hates it. We have no idea why. Despite being in Gujarat (and therefore dry) Ahmedabad’s a top city. They have camel taxis as well as one of the most underrated tourist sights in the entire world.

In the middle of an industrial estate, with no signs or paying-to-get-in or anything else, is this:

More than just a hole in t'ground

Someone will doubtless correct us, but it’s the Dada Hari Vav. It’s a well.

You might think of a well as being a ruddy great hole in the ground, but this is a step well. You can walk down it, descending floor after floor until you get to the water. It’s dark, it’s huge and it’s inexplicably elaborate.

Also, if you do go to the Test in Ahmedabad, you can take a holiday on the island of Diu afterwards. Diu is just off the Gujarati coast and they let you drink there. They also don’t tax you for doing so, so it’s REALLY cheap.

Indore

The second one-day international is in Indore. We’ve a vague notion that we’ve been there, but we can’t recall a single detail. We were probably changing buses. It might have been the station with the unusably bad toilets, thinking about it. (Note: That’s ‘unusably bad’ not ‘unusually bad’. The unusually bad toilets were usable – consider that.)

If you go to the Indore match, make sure you head out to Mandu which is a ruined city. The great thing about Mandu is that there’s a healthy supply of monkeys.

We’re not sure if you’re aware of our entirely wholesome, but perhaps also slightly insane appreciation of monkeys. It stems from an incident which led to our being accepted as their god.

Mandu is a good place to meet monkeys. Tell them we sent you.

We did not know that a cricket ferret was a thing until we saw this

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  1. Reply
    Jignesh   //   July 15th, 2008 at 13:12

    I think the entire write up is full of shit…i appeal to you folks to first get your facts right and then publish something like this. I guess that may not be asking for too much, that is if you folks have the capability to understand, much less appreciate, good stuff and want to come out of your useless alcohol driven stupor…losers…

  2. Reply
    King Cricket   //   July 15th, 2008 at 13:22

    This article is conspicuously free of factual errors for once.

    If you’re taking umbrage at our description of Indore, to be fair we have only seen the bus station.

    If you mean the urine-channelling thing. We saw that with our own eyes. Unfortunately.

  3. Reply
    Suave   //   July 15th, 2008 at 13:37

    Yay! You’re pissing off Indians again! This is fun.

  4. Reply
    Captain Kirk   //   July 15th, 2008 at 13:42

    I thought it was one of the more positive and well researched pieces!

  5. Reply
    Spigot   //   July 15th, 2008 at 14:13

    I have it on very good authority that that well doo dad was built by Ravi in his shed. He’s got a bit of a tardis thing going on. Note the lack of tiles.

    I’m quite surprised on the structure really. 2 tests seems predictable, but you’d think that T20 would have been nudged up too somethine more like this http://4point5inches.blogspot.com/2008/06/how-to-fix-this-mess-part-3-subsection.html as opposed to a “NZ series”. 7 of anything is too many. Except Last Of The Summer Wine omnibuses (omnibi?) on UKTV Gold (Remember that one when he went down the hill in the bathtub?)

  6. Reply
    SixSixEight   //   July 15th, 2008 at 15:56

    Monkeys are overrated! Langurs are ok, macaques can be bolshie. Put temples or ruins together with macaques and you are just asking for trouble. Don’t bother meeting them – just run away..run away!

  7. Reply
    Lemon Bella   //   July 15th, 2008 at 16:12

    Jignesh, you ought to come back another day – there really will be poorly researched and factually inaccurate writing then.

  8. Reply
    King Cricket   //   July 15th, 2008 at 16:18

    Monkeys + temples/ruins = the best kind of trouble

    The hours we’ve spent watching macaques pushing each other round by the back legs like wheelbarrows at UNESCO World Heritage sites.

  9. Reply
    matt b   //   July 15th, 2008 at 17:50

    I recall that there were unusable toilets in Panjim bus station.
    Horrific.

  10. Reply
    D Charlton   //   July 15th, 2008 at 18:46

    Jignesh – if KC is factually incorrect, does that make Ahemedabad a shit hole without an incongruously elaborate well in the middle of an industrial estate?

    That’s it, i’m not going. I want to see that well. Where is it really Jignesh?

    (If it was ill, would it be unwell?)

  11. Reply
    SixSixEight   //   July 15th, 2008 at 19:10

    Macaques – yes amusing to watch, and more so than piles of UNESCO rubble. Just don’t meet with them! They’ll co-opt you into the egg and spoon race in no time.

    Jignesh are you a fountain of all knowledge? I quite want to see an unwell! Do you know where I can find one?

  12. Reply
    Dave   //   July 15th, 2008 at 19:42

    The monkeys sound very exciting, but will the pitch be invaded by dogs or bees like in Sri Lanka?

  13. Reply
    Miriam   //   July 15th, 2008 at 20:06

    There’s so much pressure to like monkeys.

  14. Reply
    SixSixEight   //   July 16th, 2008 at 01:51

    Dogs are more widespread than monkeys, but when it comes to the big occasion they can wimp it out. The one that got into Providence stadium during West Indies v Sri Lanka super 8 decided the nervous bowl movement was the only option. Monkeys just don’t give a damn – the pressure never gets to them!

  15. Reply
    Ne   //   July 16th, 2008 at 10:26

    Six Six Eight: You obviously have yet to discover that which the monkeys fear the most, namely a small thing stick.

    If a macaque approaches you, simply brandishing a thin long stick will make them run with fear. This technique has been tested by myself all over the sub-continent with great effect. I believe they respect our ability to brandish tools.

  16. Reply
    SixSixEight   //   July 16th, 2008 at 11:04

    Ne – So you’ve not had that ‘where’s the thin stick thing’ moment in the middle of a treeless ruin then? Ah preparation on your part!

  17. Reply
    Ne   //   July 16th, 2008 at 14:45

    I am always packing a piece (of thin stick) in such situations. You’d be a fool not to once you see the power it holds.

  18. Reply
    horatius   //   April 1st, 2014 at 05:39

    Opposable thumbs!! Aren’t they just dandy?

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