India got bowled out for 92

They even managed to lose three wickets to Albie Morkel, who apparently still exists. Confusingly, with age he’s starting to look like Morne Morkel’s younger, chubbier brother. Guess the fat pushes out the wrinkles. There could also be some sort of Dorian Gray style arrangement which sees team-mate Chris Morris

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Hotwiring Jonny Bairstow

Despite recent media coverage, Alex Hales is not actually in competition with Moeen Ali. He is, we’d guess, competing with Jonny Bairstow. Alastair Cook wants plenty of bowlers in 40 degree heat which means Adil Rashid will finally get to play a Test in the UAE. In which case who

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