Haydos: gone but not forgotten

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In many ways, Matthew ‘Haydos’ Hayden is irreplaceable. Not his batting, obviously, Aussie opening batsmen are ten-a-penny. We’re thinking more about his way with words and the way he never lets the faintest whiff of self awareness enter his consciousness.

What was your career highlight, Haydos?

“Singing the team song on top of Table Mountain in Cape Town. The sun was setting, we’d had a great afternoon in the change rooms, the whole place was closed but the owner had given us special permission to go up there at night. To me, singing the team song was the ultimate and that was the ultimate time and place. It was about the mateships and the innings that define your mateships.”

The Australian concept of ‘mateship’ always makes us feel a bit uncomfortable. Maybe even more so when it appears in an article where the interviewee has said he’d do anything Ponting asked, adding ‘I’ve always loved playing with Ricky’.

This particular losing tussle with the English language could well be our last update about Matthew Hayden. Who are the candidates to take his place as the physical embodiment of all that’s wrong with cricket?


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  1. Also, don’t be too hasty about the orphan-eating-bearlike-fuckhead, he’s spouting so much rubbish at the moment, he’s like he’s got full blown shits of the mouth.

    “I don’t know if there is any other tourist to India who has embraced the culture from food, religious festivals to just touring more than Matthew Hayden. I loved my experience. In fact, Matthew Hayden was created in India in 2001.”

  2. Turn of the millenia India has a lot to answer for, it seems. That is one hell of a quote.

    We’d have said Shaun Tait a year or so ago, but since his exhaustion thing, he’s come to draw attention to all that’s wrong with cricket rather than embody it. That’s a plus point. And he’s a proper fast bowler.

    He doesn’t even seem to have such a cocky face any more. He’s not even in the running.

    Ponting’s too capable of saying his side have played crap when they have. He’s not delusional enough to make the grade.

  3. I tell you what. I want to find the teri maki that created Frankenstein’s monster, in some crazy Indian secret lab, and smash him up a bit. Bastard.

    It can’t be anyone from WI or NZ, they’re insignificant (that might bite me on the arse, but hey). The Indians don’t have Ganguly any more, and the rest of them all seem like nice lads. No Sirils, they’re all lovely. Maybe Shoaib Akhtar, but he’s a joke?!

    I’m stumped!

  4. They’re big shoes to fill. Enormous, clumsy, bear-like shoes.

    However, I suspect there are several (losing) rounds yet to come between Haydos and the english language…. the entertainment isn’t done yet by a long shot.

  5. Turn of the millennium India, surely? I know Hayden’s old, but not old enough to have been in India in the early 11th century.

    Suave, not sure what the problem is. How about Kallis?

  6. Maybe when he starts his cookery programme on Australian TV you could start a parallel blog – King Cook-It – just to continue the affair.

  7. Surely there is no-one better to take on the mantle than his old nemesis – the turbanator – Harbajhan?

    Failing that, Andre Nel?

  8. There’s always Harbhajan. Always offering advice to Aussies. And then bowling crap except that old man Ponting keeps getting out to the shit this sardar bowls – thereby infalting his already inflated head. If only Ponting knew how to hold bat against half-decent spin…

  9. Man, I remember when this blog was all about the love.
    Where’s it gone? (the love that is). We don’t need to hate anymore. Haydos AND the Bush Boy have gone. It’s a bright new dawn.

  10. The qualifications for the job seem to be:

    A vast ego
    An irritating ability to seem to live up to that ego
    Talking, but not conveying meaning
    Standing four feet out of the crease against fast bowlers
    Ugly, but thinking that he is attractive

    There is one other possible qualification as well. I would guess that the candidate needs to be not English. Otherwise I had the perfect man for the job…

  11. “In fact, Matthew Hayden was created in India in 2001.”

    Hahaha holy crap. Jeez, his other utterances never really registered, but this is just something else. This needs to go into a Wikipedia entry or something. “As proved by scienticians”. This should be on a tshirt, really.

  12. He’s got a long way to go, but I propose A B de Villiers as the man to watch for this role.

    Meanwhile, I need to go off and think through the history of my own mateship-defining innings.

    I’ll be back in 20 seconds.

  13. “KP isn’t English…”

    Oops. It must be that he seems extraordinarily English now, after acting like a pillock in a position of responsibility in English cricket.

  14. Couldn’t agree more on the mateship comment. You know what we say about Australians and the meaning of “mateship”? Being a good mate means never leaving you mate’s behind.


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