Posted by “In terms of skulls… how many skulls? Do you think?”
There are plenty of England fans and a good few in the cricket press who have a Tom Wambsgans-esque appetite for skulls right now.
England lost the Ashes and no-one has been sacked. It’s an unusual scenario.
The boring story without skulls
The more strategic layers of power at the ECB have tried to explain their reasoning this week. Chief executive Richard Gould said that Rob Key, Brendon McCullum and Ben Stokes would all carry on but would do things slightly differently.
“We have seen that there are ways that we can do things in a different way and ensure that we’ve got more options,” he told Cricinfo. “We don’t want to be painted into a corner by being perceived that we can only do things in one particular way… There is the belief that we can adapt, and I think we’ve seen good evidence of that and we will continue to drive that forward.”
Visceral stuff, isn’t it? Who couldn’t get enthused about corporate strategy, reading abstract assertions like that?
Key then came out to say that they’re going to change a few of the things that everyone has been telling them they need to change.
The problem is that if you’re upset about something – as England fans are with the last Ashes – then reading that England broadly agree with some criticism and are going to make changes doesn’t really hit the spot the way the more traditional therapeutic phlebotomy does.
It also makes for quite boring articles and videos. Other than entertaining yourself with Status Quo references, it’s hard to get much out of grand announcements that nobody’s being dismissed. (Shockin’ All Over The World, In the Barmy Army Now, etc.)
Rip it up and start again hasn’t worked previously, but it’s undeniably clearer action than whatever this is. To hell with your learnings and evolution as leaders. Bring us some skulls!
The Frittening
So no skulls and nothing much to chew on. What we’re therefore left with is The Boneless – a large, constantly shifting blob of pale organic matter that induces a state of madness in all who gaze upon it. (Make your Rob Key jokes… NOW!)
If, like us, your are feeling a bit untethered from the game right now, the problem, perhaps, is not what is and isn’t being done in response to a crap Ashes, but that there’s not yet anything better to talk about.
What we could do really with at this point is some cricket. You know, cricketers playing cricket against other cricketers – that thing.
The County Championship starts next week.
It doesn’t matter that you don’t do requests, KC, because this is pretty much the piece that I would have requested on this topic. The headline that flashed in front of my mind as I read the outraged pieces & postings calling for sackings was: “how many heads would have to roll in order to satisfy the average cricket fan?”…which is near enough the same thing.
But you seem to have missed the real crisis in English cricket. This headline in this piece from Australia summarises it – but the British press has also seized on similar clickbait terms:
https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/major-crisis-rocks-england-ahead-of-county-championship-as-war-unfolds/news-story/b5a46c9ed44f7b341dbb3eb32091caa8
It is impossible to imagine the county championship starting next week in these circumstances. I cannot get my head around ANY ways to solve that problem, other than simply to shut up shop completely. Sorry everyone – no cricket this season.
Wonder if they could get their hands on a load of Kookaburras instead. That went down well last year, right?
Fortunately, my friends in high places have put my mind at ease on this potentially existential crisis in the matter of the English 2026 cricket season. I am delighted to pass on the news to you, KC and your readers.
Apparently Dukes and Kookaburra are not the only two manufacturers of cricket balls in the world.
I was also formerly unaware of the fact that sea freight is not the only method of moving goods to and from the UK.
Three cheers for our level-headed cricket administrators for keeping their heads, when all about them were losing theirs and blaming it on the ECB.
It’s a Start Of The Season miracle!
“If you’ve suddenly got rockets flying around, you’ve got a major problem”
Hegseth-esque analysis, there.
“ECB short of balls” the headlines write themselves
But major implications like they say. Umpires will refuse to change the ball, even when it’s totally flat. Any batter who hits the ball out of the ground will have to go and fetch it. A thriving industry in old ball ‘rejuvenation’ will spring up (run by Aussies naturally…).
… Or maybe nothing much week change at all