If Zimbabwe are ‘woeful’ what are Bangladesh?

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Cricinfo have a headline describing Zimbabwe as ‘woeful’ after they were bowled out for 162 by New Zealand. However, Bangladesh were bowled out for 58 against West Indies. And they were at home.

Cricinfo’s editorial staff really need to get together and establish an adjective hierarchy. Like most people, we rate all events that happen in our life according to the Premier Manager II scale, which runs as follows:

  • Fair (one to five stars)
  • Good (one to five stars)
  • Very Good (one to five stars)
  • Superb
  • Outstanding
  • World Class
  • Exceptional
  • The Ultimate

But as you can see, there are obvious flaws in this system. We can go out and have a great meal, musing over our brandy whether it was ‘world class’ or ‘exceptional’, but what if we contract dysentry and the waiter punches us in the kidney? ‘Fair *’ seems rather generous in that situation.

We need an improved scale for evaluating poor performance and if Premier Manager II lets you down, where do you turn?

Maybe people could turn to the comments section of a post on kingcricket.co.uk…

33 comments

  1. How about, afflicted, agonized, anguished, appalling, awful, bad, calamitous, catastrophic, cruel, deplorable, disappointing, disastrous, disconsolate, disgraceful, distressing, doleful, dreadful, feeble, gloomy, grieving, grievous, grim, heartbreaking, heartrending, heartsick, hopeless, inadequate, lamentable, lousy, mean, miserable, mournful, paltry, pathetic, piteous, pitiable, pitiful, plaintive, poor, racked, rotten, shocking, sorrowful, sorry, tortured, tragic, unfortunate, unhappy, wretched.

    I’ll leave you to sort out the hierarchy!

    source: http://www.theasaurus.com

  2. Think you’ve been busted as being someone who pronounces ‘thesaurus’ as if it’s a type of dinosaur because of that link.

    1. I used to be quite good at spelling, but just lately its been abominable, alarming, appalling, atrocious, deplorable, depressing, dire, disgusting, distressing, dreadful, fearful, frightful, ghastly, grody, gruesome, grungy, harrowing, hideous, horrendous, horrible, horrific, horrifying, nasty, offensive, raunchy, repulsive, shocking, stinking, synthetic, tough, ugly, unpleasant, unsightly.

      source: http://www.thesaurus.com

  3. I am a bit disturbed by the adjective Cricinfo plumped for in the end:
    “Craven Bangladesh crash to nine-wicket defeat”

    I don’t know what that means. Didn’t he used to present Blue Peter?

    Does anyone know how John Craven became involved in Bangladeshi cricket? Sounds like a remarkable story…

  4. What about using the Battrick levels?

    useless
    worthless
    abysmal
    woeful
    feeble
    mediocre
    competent
    respectable
    proficient
    strong
    superb
    quality
    remarkable
    wonderful
    exceptional
    sensational
    exquisite
    masterful
    miraculous
    phenomenal
    elite

  5. Shite.

    Marginally less shite than shite.

    Good enough to avoid insults from your own mother, but no-one else.

    Good enough for it not to be worthy of angry tweets from extremists.

    Lindsay Lohan’s acting skills.

    Satisfactory, but not acceptable.

    Acceptable.

    Exceeds expectations.

    Owl.

    Newt.

    Gandalf.

    Biblical.

    Brutal Deluxe.

    1. The only way I could’ve liked this list better was if Kallis preceded Shite and Sehwag succeeded Biblical.

  6. Leslie

    Turner

    Craven

    Its Friday and I can’t be arsed to work

    Purves

    Huq

    Singleton

    Noakes

    Brutal Deluxe

    1. Daneel, I ommitted Ellis because I don’t know what to think about her questionable offspring.

      I mean how would we feel about Len Hutton if Richard Hutton had gone on to record “Murder on the Dancefloor” rather than playing 5 tests in 1971? (thanks Wikipedia)

    1. Perhaps whoever has the job of trying to produce a full-lenght highlights show of today’s game could pad it out with images of Blue Peter presenters through the years.

  7. KC did you ever play PM2 as Halifax? As the only Good** team available they were the obvious choice, but I wonder whether it would have offended your Lancastrian sensibilities.

    1. The long-term advantages of having Godfrey Obebo in our team did lead us to Halifax on occasion, what with the tragic and wrongful omission of Witton Albion on the spurious grounds that they weren’t in a league anyone had heard of.

    1. As a cricket writer, we’re not keen for Cricinfo to catch wind of that simple approach to match analysis.

      They would produce a program to churn out articles along the lines of: “Bangladesh anger, Windies amaze” and dozens of spindly men in glasses with alcohol problems would instantly be rendered redundant.

    2. Pterodactlys. Angry or Amazed. England beaten by some lads who just turned up. It’s all very retro round here at the moment.

  8. Ajit Agarkar

    Mohammed Sami

    Chris Martin

    Brett Lee

    Dale Steyn

    Wasim Akram

    Andrew Caddick

    Brutal Deluxe

  9. At the woeful end of the scale . . .

    Genital Warts

    Not just pants, but something worse you could find inside of them.

  10. Following housemonkey’s idea:

    Charlie Sheen

    Lindsay Lohan

    ShahRukh Khan

    Michael Caine

    Marlon Brando

    Audrey Hepburn

    Natalie Portman

    Brutal Deluxe

  11. Sell the sponsorship rights.

    Kevin O’Brien produced a Hero Honda Brutal Deluxe knock last week.

    AB de Villiers is in nPower Audrey Hepburn form.

    Bangladesh put in a Durex Charlie Sheen performance. Wait, that doesn’t sound so bad…

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