India v England match report from Kochi

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Mum writes:

After an excellent breakfast, KC’s dad and I took a ferry to the mainland where we shared a tuk-tuk with an English couple also bound for the match. Security was tight and I had to take a photo to prove my camera was a camera.

It was 45 minutes before the start and we walked up zigzag ramps with the noise level building all the time. On emerging into the magnificent stadium we were assailed by a deafening roar and nothing had happened yet.

The crowd celebrates attending a cricket match

The extensive list of prohibited items had included all musical instruments. Nevertheless, front left of us a man had a huge drum, which he proceeded to play for seven hours. How had he smuggled that in – in his undies? The noise increased with every exciting incident until pain level was achieved.

About half way through the match we started getting texts from friends in the UK who were watching the coverage and had seen me on TV.

Nobody draw attention to the size of the Sky Sports logo

It was very difficult to get any food. The catering staff were overwhelmed both by sheer numbers and the total lack of knowledge of the concept of queueing.

After the match, there was no transport to be had for love nor money. We walked more than a mile in what turned out to be the wrong direction when a knight in shining armour (well, a shiny white 4×4), appeared and offered us a lift. He whisked us in A/C comfort to the ferry jetty, which I am pretty sure was not on his itinerary. So many thanks to George, the cardamom plantation owner.

KC’s dad and I agreed it was the most fantastic and memorable experience and apparently we were not alone. Later we heard KP had said that it was the best atmosphere he had ever played “in front of”. On this occasion it was a blessed relief that the rules here preclude any mention of the cricket.

Send your match reports to and on no account mention the cricket itself.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. That Sky Sports logo is HUGE.

    Are they paying you? I know times are hard, but I thought you were above that sort of thing.

  2. KP said that? Really? He ended his sentence with a preposition? Good grief! I don’t know what the world is coming to.

  3. I was going to write a stern report about KC’s mum’s report highlighting that she never mentions the stadium. Then I looked at the title – the best place to hide stuff, really.

  4. Playing in front of the atmosphere is not to be encouraged. Better to play in it. Particularly if you are a swing bowler.

    1. Daisy and I found playing without atmosphere in the Tibetan hills much to our taste.

      If I were to smuggle an enormous drum into a cricket stadium, I would try to hide it at the back of my trousers and walk Max Wall / Groucho Marx like. I write in the absence of recent relevant experience.

  5. I notice that the list of items prohibited to bring into the ground does not include people.
    Perhaps the huge drum brought the front left man in?

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