It’s been so long since Jonny Bairstow made a Test hundred he almost forgot to roar

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One of our favourite things about Jonny Bairstow Test hundreds – second only to their existence really – is how he celebrates them. Jonny Bairstow is a pretty fiery hundred-celebrator.

Before today, the last time Bairstow made a Test ton was in November 2018 in Sri Lanka. On that occasion he celebrated so furiously his head vibrated.

His reaction to reaching three figures on that occasion was sufficiently intimidating that we saw fit to (a) measure it on the “imagine this bloke is walking directly towards you in a pub” scale and (b) put it up against a Virat Kohli hundred celebration to try and work out who celebrated more angrily.

Bairstow’s latest hundred celebration, in Sydney, was not quite so angry. In fact it was so becalmed that for a brief horrifying moment we feared he wouldn’t roar at all.

Stage 1: Controlled

This is what he did first. From the nose up, he was still quite tense and focused. Below that he was starting to work out what had happened. You can see his tongue peeping out, attempting to gather information.

Stage 2: Happy

Wait, what? The sheer cognitive overload of the situation then led Bairstow down a very strange road indeed. He smiled. Beamed even. It was very un-Bairstow

Stage 3: Furious anger

Fortunately, that emotional state was short-lived. Soon enough Bairstow’s sporting reflexes kicked in and he let fly a huge bestial roar.

Furious hundred celebration form is temporary. Furious hundred celebration class is permanent.

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    1. Not directly related, but why is p*ss the non plus ultra of weakness? I can think of weaker things, and I can certainly think of things that p*ss has overpowered

      1. We were thinking that. “Piss-weak” has never really struck us, but “weak as piss” made us sit up and think.

      2. Surely the term “weak as piss” originally comes from descriptions of alcoholic or caffeinated beverages which, once passed through the human digestive system, are more or less entirely devoid of the ingredient(s) around which adjectives pertaining to strength (with regard to said beverages) tend to be based.

        Jonny Bairstow is surely “contra-Elderbrook” rather than “Elderbrook’s heir”, as the bestial roars emanating from that great man of legend arose from blobs, not tons.

    1. Shove it up yer arse, Australia.

      England is the best test side in the world.

      Just using this “middle of the night – no-one’s watching” away series to prepare for the 2023 Ashes, which is the one that matters.

      I can’t spake.

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