Matthew Hayden continues to personify all that’s wrong with modern cricket

Do we hate Matthew Hayden because he personifies all that’s wrong with modern cricket or do we just ascribe those traits to him because we hate him?

It doesn’t matter. The important part is that we hate him. The whys and wherefores all pale into insignificance next to the sheer bowel-shuddering horror we feel when we see a three digit number to the right of his stupid name.

Matthew Hayden braved some torrid fast bowling on a devilish pitch to earn his 123. India fielded two – count ’em – TWO fast-medium bowlers. A 22-year-old swing bowler, playing in his ninth Test and a 19-year-old playing in his 18th first-class match – the latter only sent down eight overs out of the 83 that were bowled.

Okay, so Hayden played Anil Kumble and Harbhajan Singh really well, but that’s partly our point. An opening batsman should be tested by fast bowlers, not spinners. If he gets a hundred, he should have about 30 bruises to show for it. If he bats out of his crease, the frothy-mouthed sociopath opening the bowling should split his bloody head in two the very next ball.

You could say that this isn’t Matthew Hayden’s fault; that he’s only responding to what’s put in front of him. Another way of saying it would be to say that actually it is his fault. Why not? There’s plenty of things wrong with the world and we’re quite content to blame Matthew Hayden for all of them.

Oh and the lazy bastard had a runner for most of his innings because his stupid silverback torso’s too gargantuan for his unused, atrophied legs.

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6 Appeals

  1. I think his hands were bruised, from the constant hitting of boundaries.

    When he does his father, son and holy goat thing at the end of his hundred a part of me dies.

  2. King Cricket

    January 5, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    Hopefully it’s not one thirtieth of you, or you’re in grave peril.

  3. Good point, and you forgot one day hundreds. I may be on my way out.

    No wonder i called for him to be dropped from the 07 world cup squad. For which i was vindicated for, he did drop KP in a match.

  4. Genius!! This is why I am your devoted citizen, sire!

    let’s brush that republic thng under the carpet shall we…

    Fuck I hate that Sanctimonious FatHeadFlatTrackBully!
    Casserole cooking, christian, cockhead.

    Uncle J, he, himself, is more evil than the whole of South Africa, and that’s saying something!

  5. DEAR ICC OFFICIALS ,

    NEW YEAR GREETINGS !!

    MANY MANY THANKS FOR SUPPORTING US !!

    YOU WERE THE REAL “MEN OF THE MATCH” FOR THE LAST IND-AUS TEST .

    YOU NEVER BOTHERED TO LOOK INTO THE FACT THAT MONEY WAS OFFERED TO THOSE DOGS UHH SORRY UMPIRES & THEY HAPPILY OBLIGED . THEY AGREED TO GIVE DECISIONS IN OUR FAVOUR IN A SEC& MEAGRE AMOUNT . WE DID NOT FACE ANY DIFFICULTY .

    AS IT IS , BUCKNOR HAS ALWAYS BEEN A GREAT DEVASTATOR FOR THE INDIANS , ESP SACHIN , SAURAV , RAHUL . & AND ONCE HE GIVES THEM OUT WE MANAGE SOME HOW TO FIGHT THE LIKE OF YUVI , DHONI, BHAJJI.

    ALSO , WE WERE SUCCESSFUL IN TRAPPING BHAJJI INTO YHAT STUPID, WELLPLANNED TRAP OF RACIAL STUFF. ACTUALLY WE HAD SENSED HIS LURKING DANGER LONG BACK WHEN WE LOST AFTER GIVING FOLLOW ON TO THE INDIANS . HE WAS A REAL THREAT . SO WE PLANNED TO HAVE HIM TRAPPED .
    THANKS TO THE MATCH OFFICIALS , TAHT THAY ALSO AGREED TO TRAP HIM IN A VEYR MEAGRE AMOUNT !!
    GEE THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THIS .
    I AM SURE WITH UR HELP , AUSTRALIANS WILL ” ALWAYS ” BE THE ” CHAMPIONS ” THANKS .

  6. Matthew Hayden is an insecure fucking cunt of the first order, not to mention a fucking shame to Australia and cricket in general.

    That’s why he receives a lot of shit from the world over.Trevor
    Chesterfield says this about the joker:
    “Take a weed. Not just any common or garden variety though. It’s new and tougher than the Australians like, and unlike a dandelion this version keeps sprouting in regular profusion on the outfields and is better known to the Indians as Bhajji Bhai.

    Noxious? Nah. Come on, guys. That’s a load of genuine twaddle. A check of the thesaurus explains why some Australians have wandered past their lexicon lessons grade with this one.

    Others may like him, or hate him, but Harbhajan Singh has long been a favourite since doing an interview during the 2001 tour of Sri Lanka. He came across then as a sincere, straightforward type who is not afraid to express an opinion.

    Every time we bump into each other, or paths cross, there is a cheerful acknowledgement and as always, which the Australians don’t seem to understand, is his politeness. But get him on the field and you find he is a feisty type of player. That is the sort India need when there is pressure.

    But to call him a ‘weed’ and ‘obnoxious’ makes you wonder whether Mathew Hayden has been mixing and chewing a few seeds of his garden variety weeds and found himself in a psychedelic haze. Or even drinking some local dandelion wine concoction found in his back garden shed. They make all types of things Down Under and hide it in all variety of containers.

    Don’t forget that the second game of this Commonwealth Bank series is being played in Brisbane, and a few controversial viewpoints and comments might sell several extra seats. Why not get Bhajji on the line to express his thoughts of Hayden’s jargon coming from the slip cordon, when suffering a hangover from the previous night’s dandelion wine party after he misses a catch or two.

    Now that would be fun, wouldn’t it? Get some of those obese spectators in the stand wondering how safe it is to chew a blade of grass these days?”

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