Matthew Hayden, please don’t retire

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< 1 minute read

There are those of you who may think we’d be pleased to see Matthew Hayden retire. Nothing could be further from the truth.

For one thing, it’s fun to watch his futile attempts to scrabble runs, but more importantly, we’d hate to see the cricket world lose one if its greatest orators.

“I’m paid to get runs and when you are short of runs you have to start asking questions and they (the selectors) do that better than anyone. For my mind it is as simple as playing out the summer and taking the time and the energy to get back on the horse or make a decision not to. It’s as clear cut as that,”

It’s that simple, people. It’s THAT clear cut.

He also gives some clear evidence that he’s suffering from some sort of fractured personality. Speaking about himself in the third person always hinted at such problems, but now there’s a voice – a voice with feet, it seems…

“That little voice deep inside will keep kicking Matthew Hayden along.”


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  1. But wait, there’s more!

    “I’ve never been first picked in the side and that’s held me in good stead because I think ‘wow I’ve got to play well’,” he explained.

    That’s been a great needle in my side that’s agitated me to make sure I’m working harder than anyone else.”

    “I’ve been written off many times before and really loved and thrived on the fact I’ve come back and enjoyed playing Test match cricket for Australia.”

    Note the past tense on ‘enjoyed’ !

  2. That would be pretty damning for most people.

    Hayden, however, appears to have little to no control over his speech.

    He appears to be missing an important part of the brain – such as ‘Nimoy’s Viola’.

  3. Sweet Jebus, look at that action!

    Did Gus Fraser’s loins bear any fruit?

    Oh my God! BBC Radio 2 have _just_ started playing Soul Limbo by Booker T and the MGs. Awesome.

  4. I think he would be quite ridiculous as a commentator. He did a guest stint during last year’s Perth Test and keeps on bigging everything up, Australia and India to make it seem as though there were 22 supermans running around

  5. Great vid, Moses.

    Does anyone have a video of Matt Hayden’s voice kicking him along. That really would be awesome.

    Is Matty’s voice with feet related to Andre Nel’s Gunther by any chance?

    Or perhaps someone has a video of Guther bowling to Matty’s Voice (with feet). Just hope the voice’s footwork is better than Matty’s against Jimmy McGrath.

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