Andrew Strauss, England captain

Posted by
< 1 minute read

Andrew Strauss - English leaderThroughout history, the British have had a fail-safe method for dealing with times of crisis. They find the most sensible person among their number and they tell them that they’re in charge.

A new era has dawned. An era of stoicism. An era of doing the decent thing. An era of being sensible.

In a prepared statement, Andrew Strauss may or may not have said:

“Under my captaincy, there will be no shady dealings nor veiled threats delivered through the press. If I’ve got a problem with a chap, we’ll jolly well thrash it out over a glass of port down at the club.

“And I didn’t get where I am today by expressing emotion, so as from now, England will be operating a ‘no emotion policy’.

“When one of our chaps gets one of their chaps out, rather than whooping and roaring, we will merely gather round and take it in turns to shake his hand.

“Equally, when one of their chaps dismisses one of our chaps, we will remove our hat, say ‘well bowled, sir’ and as we depart the field of play, we will thank the umpires for their sterling work.”

Andrew Strauss is going to GET THE JOB DONE. He is going to get the job done largely through having the team wear ties when fielding.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. That ceci is fabulous. My rage at the ecb has been placated some what by the wing commanders promotion.

  2. No more baseball caps, either. From now on, our chaps shall be outfitted in tweed deerstalkers.

  3. so who is going to be one-day captain?

    power plays and pyjamas are surely too 21st century for Lord Brocket…

  4. So instead of lager and burger we can expect tea and cucumber sandwiches at The Oval food stalls then .

  5. Mark my words – Strauss will be back as One Day captain and the pyjamas will be replaced with Noel Coward-style smoking jackets.

Comments are closed.