Andrew Strauss, England captain

Andrew Strauss - English leaderThroughout history, the British have had a fail-safe method for dealing with times of crisis. They find the most sensible person among their number and they tell them that they’re in charge.

A new era has dawned. An era of stoicism. An era of doing the decent thing. An era of being sensible.

In a prepared statement, Andrew Strauss may or may not have said:

“Under my captaincy, there will be no shady dealings nor veiled threats delivered through the press. If I’ve got a problem with a chap, we’ll jolly well thrash it out over a glass of port down at the club.

“And I didn’t get where I am today by expressing emotion, so as from now, England will be operating a ‘no emotion policy’.

“When one of our chaps gets one of their chaps out, rather than whooping and roaring, we will merely gather round and take it in turns to shake his hand.

“Equally, when one of their chaps dismisses one of our chaps, we will remove our hat, say ‘well bowled, sir’ and as we depart the field of play, we will thank the umpires for their sterling work.”

Andrew Strauss is going to GET THE JOB DONE. He is going to get the job done largely through having the team wear ties when fielding.

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12 Appeals

  1. I’m awfully pleased of course to have the Wing Commander at the helm. Onward and upward!

  2. That ceci is fabulous. My rage at the ecb has been placated some what by the wing commanders promotion.

  3. Why will they only wear ties when fielding? Are the batsmen going to wear cravats?

  4. I think I may have found the natural successor to Vodaphone:

  5. No more baseball caps, either. From now on, our chaps shall be outfitted in tweed deerstalkers.

  6. And if the oppo get out of order old chap, we’ll shoot them up the arse….Hardy Hah Ha!

  7. Ahaha funny look on it, let’s hope he is less of a pillock than KP 😛

  8. so who is going to be one-day captain?

    power plays and pyjamas are surely too 21st century for Lord Brocket…

  9. Strauss is going to have his work cut out, leading a double life as he does with top chef Theo Randall:

  10. Perhaps some KC readers would be interested in the Middlesex take on all of this:

    Also, the following thread might explain his rapid rise to the top between the start of September and the start of December:,9739914

  11. So instead of lager and burger we can expect tea and cucumber sandwiches at The Oval food stalls then .

  12. Mark my words – Strauss will be back as One Day captain and the pyjamas will be replaced with Noel Coward-style smoking jackets.

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