Nathan Bracken bowling people out despite his flaw

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Nathan Bracken - wrong-handed infuriatorSickeningly wrong-handed purveyor of off-cutters, Nathan Bracken, has once again ended a one-day international with disgustingly flattering figures. Bracken took 5-46 as Sri Lanka were bowled out for just 125, chasing Australia’s 253.

We’ve long since accepted that Nathan Bracken is a more-than-useful one-day bowler, but we don’t have to bloody well like it. It’s not even his hair, it’s how well-disguised his wiliness is. He may well be a smart bowler, but it’s masked by a veneer of innocuosity and gorm.


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  1. The girly manboy, averages 22.5 in ODI’s.

    How? Why?

    Dear Australia,

    Please stop producing world beating cricketers at will.


    The ENgland

  2. Anyone with a player like Sidebottom in their team, with his hair hanging on to his face like dead seaweed is in no position to bring up references about Bracken’s locks any more.

    Shouldn’t that be “gormlessness” or are you referring to him as a relationship modeller?

  3. Sidebottoms hair, is masculine like Samson.

    If you cut his locks off, he’s rubbish.

    And he doesn’t wear an alice band.

    That’s just wrong.

  4. ‘Gorm’ is just as much a word as ‘innocuosity’.

    We’ve always used it as an abbreviated form of ‘gormlessness’ but it actually makes no sense, if you do that.

    ‘Gorm’ is from Old Germanic ‘gaum’ meaning ‘understand’ (in the context of ‘gormless’), so we’ve actually said the exact opposite to what we intended. Rewrite!

    And we said it wasn’t the hair, incidentally. It’s the persistent success in the face of a more-than-compelling case for mediocrity.

  5. I think the Alice band is part of his plot to look benign, to lull the batsman into thinking he’s an easy target.

    Not sure what else you can do with that hair, except shave it off. The result may then cause batsmen to cross the road to avoid him

    ( not like Michael Clarke’s new look as a tadpole).

  6. wtf. ur fken saying that nathan bracken is a bloody weirdo piece of shit. who the fuck do you have that is any good at cricket… monty panesar. omg hes fricken indian for christ sake and wtf… ryan sidebottom. what type of name is that anywayl and trust me. hes much uglier that nathan bracken, although nathan bracken wears a hair-bow

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