King Cricket

June 8, 2011 England

Broken-window-at-Lord’s-gate – the truth

< 1 minute readMatt Prior: I feel a profound sense of frustration at the cruel manner of my dismissal. What ought a man do to combat this uneasy sensation? Andrew Strauss: Smash that window, innit, brother. Matt Prior: Alas, my calm disposition prevents me from committing such brutish acts. At that exact moment,

June 7, 2011 Extras

Some players won’t get to play a Test at Lord’s – who cares?

< 1 minute readThe West Indies won’t be playing at Lord’s in 2012. Forget the rights and wrongs of Cardiff being the beneficiary, the issue here relates to the accessibility of live Test cricket. Cricket matches aren’t played for the benefit of the players. They’re played for spectators. As such, it makes little

June 6, 2011 England

Jonathan Trott bats too quickly

< 1 minute readIn scoring at 77.33 runs per hundred balls, Jonathan Trott careered out of control, like a giant rubber ball belting down Snowdon. That’s the only reason we can come up with as to why he might have got himself out for 58. Or maybe he’s got a weakness against left-arm

June 5, 2011 Sri Lanka

Tillakaratne Dilshan pans a hundred and is arsed about it

< 1 minute readTillakaratne Dilshan celebrated enthusiastically when he reached his hundred. Some will say it was because he’d got his name on the honours board at Lord’s, but we doubt that. Dilshan is the Sri Lanka captain and his team had embarrassed themselves in Cardiff and then done little to repair their

June 4, 2011 England

Alastair Cook fails to respect the sequence

< 1 minute readCook, Trott, Cook, Trott – we’re just starting to get the hang of writing about the England Test team when Alastair Cook spazzes one straight up in the air on 96. The idiot. Now what have we got? A load of half stories, that’s what. Alastair Cook scores most of

June 3, 2011 Extras

Can lightning strike twice in the same place?

< 1 minute readIt can if you install a lightning conductor to attract it. That’s preparation, that is. It’s no surprise that England mugged Sri Lanka in the first Test when there had appeared no danger, because they had been preparing to do precisely that all season, as detailed in our latest Cricinfo

June 2, 2011 England

Jade Dernbach chooses to use his ‘doing arm’

< 1 minute readThanks to Sam for pointing this out – although he did make the mistake of saying “Jade Dernbach has got a tattoo on his doing arm,” which is not quite correct. In reality, the tattoo DENOTES the doing arm. Dernbach is merely acknowledging this by choosing to bowl right-handed –

June 1, 2011 England

A not-at-all hubristic graph about England’s recent Test form

2 minute readBert writes: Pride comes before a fall, they say. But surely that’s obvious. If you’re ever going to be proud, the time to do it is definitely BEFORE a fall. There’s nothing to be proud about AFTER the fall – you’re too busy being embarrassed and having grazed knees. With

May 30, 2011 England / Sri Lanka

Sri Lanka slightly taken aback by England attack

< 1 minute readImagine you’re Sri Lanka. You’re four days into the world’s most uneventful bike ride. You’re in the middle of the Nullarbor Plain on a beautiful flat road and you can clearly see that there is nothing threatening for 50 miles in any direction. You’re tootling along at about 8mph feeling

May 30, 2011 England

Ian Bell’s year – an actual opinion

< 1 minute readDon’t be afraid. We’re experimenting with having opinions. We meant to say it before the first Test – and maybe this isn’t the best timing when he’s on 98 not out – but we think Ian Bell will be England’s best batsmen in the next 12 months. Ashes 2010-11 Bell’s