South Africa v England Lions match report

Lemon Bella writes:

Indian Skimmer and I went to see South Africa against the England Lions at Grace Road. Upon arriving at the ground, we spent twenty minutes trying to find a cup of coffee. Eventually we had to ask someone else who had a cup. In retrospect, we should have also questioned the quality of the coffee, as we could have saved ourselves the bother of walking three quarters of the way around the ground for a cup of lukewarm brown water with milk.

Garnett Kruger sat in the same stand as us. We found it quite disappointing that an international cricketer didn’t have anything better than us to do in his spare time. He did pay four eleven-year-old boys to go and buy him a Twister ice lolly though, so there was a hint of the glamorous life we would expect.

During the interval, Kruger played cricket with the four eleven-year-olds. He got the shortest one out for a duck with a spectacular caught and bowled but the chubby one hit him for three Flintoff-esque straight sixes.

During South Africa’s innings, we mostly watched Graeme Smith do paperwork on the balcony. There were white envelopes and brown envelopes and three different piles to put the envelopes in. At one point, Micky Arthur had to be consulted. We never realised that being an international cricket captain involved so much paperwork. From now on, when we’re in our respective offices we’re going to pretend we’re actually international cricket captains.

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14 Appeals

  1. When you say “do paperwork” do you mean just fold paper and stuff envelopes? Do you think Smiff is supplementing his meagre cap’n’s salary with a home-worker’s job – or possibly he’s a group leader for Weightwatchers and was sending uplifting messages to his flock

  2. perhaps he is the one in need of uplifting messages?

  3. I think Mr Smith was simply getting in early with the Christmas cards/Ransom notes/Letters in green ink to the Daily Mail.

  4. Maths Exam,

    Question 1:

    If Mark has 32 white envelopes and 32 brown envelopes that he need to sort into three piles, what is the probability that Mickey Arthur will tell Mark to eat fewer braais?

  5. King Cricket

    September 17, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    Answer: Graeme Smith of South Africa and Mark E Smith of The Fall are different people.

    Draw your own conclusions.

  6. dammit. I blame Adam Buxton for this. I was reading this at the same time as this: http://adam-buxton.co.uk/ad/2008/09/16/mojo-song-wars-news/

  7. King Cricket

    September 17, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    You can’t blame Adam Buxton for everything, you know.

  8. Maybe that’s the answer to the Saffers weight issues. Mickey Arthur should take Mark E Smith to braais, while young Graeme, Jacques and Boucher should ingest industrial amounts of speed and roll ups.

  9. I thought that was Gibb’s particular area of expertise?

  10. It was serious paperwork. We think that maybe someone had sent his post over from Cape Town and he was paying his gas bill.

  11. Some of us have been imagining that we are international cricket captains while doing our office paperwork for years. Do keep up, Lemon Bella.

    I wonder whether Smith (or any other international cricket captains) ever imagine themselves as small-scale businessfolk while batting?

  12. I believe Ponting dreams of being a junior accountant from Slough when he’s batting.

  13. I’d heard that Mahendra Singh Dhoni imagines that he is randomly processing or turning down parking permit applications for a Local Authority

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